My 19 year old self was an attention-seeking, party going, sex driven, self conscious, young woman running from the Lord as fast as I could go. Four to 5 nights a week I spent partying, drinking, and occasionally doing drugs. I wore as little clothes as I could and knew that attention from the male species came easily for me and I took full advantage. I was a regular at the local clubs, danced in a way that no one should have seen, and was obsessed with being as sexy as I could be. I won money at a local club in a bikini contest and I saw how easily my body, my looks and my sexuality could actually bring me more than just a second glance. I was on a path to complete destruction and it was only by the grace of God that I survived all those nights riding around drunk on back roads. Nothing fulfilled me, nothing gave me self worth, nothing ever seemed to be enough. I was in a rut. I appeared happy on the outside but mostly depressed on the inside. I hated being alone with my own thoughts and yet I would have never admitted that to anyone.
In November of 2002, David & I began talking on the phone every night for hours. We had met 2 1/2 years prior at the beach while I was on vacation with my family. We kept in touch by email but for the 6 months leading up to all those late night phone conversations, we had lost touch. Then by a divine appointment set by the maker of the universe, he had signed onto AOL instant messenger when I was on and sent me a message. That next day he called me and that began what would be the rest of our lives together.
At first we didn't talk everyday but it didn't take long for it to become apart of my daily routine. One night our conversation was one that I will never forget. As with any relationship, we had the conversation where we aired our dirty laundry and shared what we had done in our past. David shared with me that he was sexually pure. He had never given himself so intimately to anyone and he wanted to wait for marriage. That should have made him even more appealing to me, but it didn't. Honestly, my heart sank. I knew that I wasn't good enough for him and that I had to let him go.
I hesitantly shared with him that not only was I not pure but that I had given myself to 4 other guys. I gave him a free ticket to drop out of my life and go find someone that I thought was more deserving. This alone was so out of character for me. I was used to getting what I wanted and thinking of myself first and everyone else second. But I saw David as goodness and deserving of someone truly great and that person couldn't be me.
The words that came out of David's mouth next completely altered the way I saw myself and brought healing in a way I never thought possible. David said to me, "I don't care what you have done." It was as if the God of Heaven and Earth spoke so deeply into my heart.
I spent years running from the Lord. One sin led to another and soon I had told myself I had done too much to return to God. Wasn't I too far gone?? But I am convinced, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God himself placed those words into David's mouth and used him to bring healing. I realized that I wasn't a piece of used up trash, but a creation of the One who calms the sea and commands the cosmos. I was loved, cherished, liked and time with me was a desire of the heart of God even though He didn't need me.
As women, we are so hard on ourselves. Nailing ourselves to a cross over and over again instead of standing firm on the promise that our slates are wiped clean, our sin has been made white as snow. We have freedom that is only found in Christ. Galatians 5:1 tells us that "Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free..."
What are we saying to a lost world when we walk around chained to our past mistakes and beating ourselves up over and over again? We are saying that our God is not big enough, great enough, and sufficient enough. We are not showing the world the true God that shows us grace and forgiveness and walks right into our own mess and rescues us from it.
How do we live in that freedom? How do we see ourselves through the eyes of Christ and stop carrying around our yoke of slavery? We seek, we pursue, we get down on our knees everyday at the feet of our God who is sovereign over ALL things. We find our identity in Him by reading His love notes and promises to us in His word. When we start seeing the Bible as His letters to us instead of just a book of history, I believe, our desire to read it and feast on it grows gradually but noticeably every day. It's like the way a child grows from the moment of conception. Each day there are ever so slight changes but changes all the same that grow into bigger changes. Before we know it we can barely recognize that wrinkly little baby with no teeth and hardly any hair.
My relationship with the Lord is like a roller coaster. There are days that I fall back into guilt and don't see my worth in Him. I tend to forget that I am a new creation in Christ (2Corinthians 5:17) and that God desires time with me. When I came to Christ as a sinner, my sin was exchanged for Jesus' righteousness. I could not enter into the presence of the holy God as I was before my salvation......my old self had to die. The perfectness, purity, and righteousness of Jesus is a covering that I put on when I repented and accepted His gift of salvation. This gift, this cleansing, this re-birth is available to every one of us if we just accept it.
Cry out to Jesus and ask..... no beg.... Him to show you the freedom you
have in Him and only Him! YOU can enter the very presence of the Holy
God, YOU can have an intimate relationship with the maker of the
galaxies and the complex human body your spirit resides in for a time.
He loves you and He is in pursuit of you. Not because He needs you but
because He wants you just as you are!!!!!!You are a treasure to Him, and that my friends causes me to tremble from deep within and draws me to my knees in submission to the One who holds the world in His hands.
I leave you with this scripture out of Hebrews that names Jesus as our high priest who allows us to enter into the very presence of God our father without shame and a conscious that is clean.
"And so, dear brothers and sisters, we can boldly enter heaven's Most Holy Place because of the blood of Jesus. By his death, Jesus opened a new and life-giving way through the curtain into the Most Holy Place. And since we have a great High Priest who rules over God's house, let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ's blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water. Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise." Hebrews 10:19-23 NLT
For more of my personal testimony, read my most read blog post here..... http://puttingmyyesonthetable.blogspot.com/2014/03/transformed.html
Friday, January 22, 2016
Saturday, January 16, 2016
Dear Birthmom
Dear Birthmom,
I think about you everyday. I often wonder if you think about the son you chose to abandon. Do you think about him as much as I think about you? Do you wonder who is caring for him? Do you wonder what he looks like now and how much he has grown? Do you wonder if he looks like you?
There are days that, honestly, I hate you. When I think about him laying outside that hospital alone, a 2 day old baby, I get so angry. How could you just leave him there? How could you just walk away from such a treasure, such a gift from God?
But those days when I want to hate you, the Holy Spirit convicts my heart and reminds me that I'm no better than you and shows me the care you displayed. You left him outside of a hospital..... That right there should speak volumes that you were trying to give him what he needed even if that meant you had to give him up. You left him wearing the sweetest little yellow infant shirt and a bottle of milk. I imagine that just maybe you watched at a safe distance until someone found him. Did you cry for him? Deep down in my heart, I know you did.
I pray for you regularly. I pray that God will send someone to tell you about Jesus and that you would accept His special gift of salvation. I tell your son about Jesus, I read Him stories from the Bible, and I fervently pray for His salvation. Because I believe in the power of prayer I just know that in God's timing he will come to know Jesus as His savior. I have even prayed that just maybe, God would call him back to China as a missionary to his own people. Maybe God will orchestrate it for you to meet one day by a divine appointment. Just maybe, it will be Samuel, as an adult that shares the gospel with you. I pray for that & if that's not God's will then I pray that one day you will meet in heaven.
Can I tell you a little about your son........our son? He has the funniest and sweetest personality. He loves trains and cars and the only TV show he will actually watch is Thomas the Train. He loves to cuddle and give kisses and before he puckers for a kiss he will say "wuv you." When he is tired he puts his arm over his face and makes this funny noise with his mouth. He is a mommy's boy through and through. He wants to sit in my lap and for me to hold him almost constantly. He has the biggest smile.... So big his eyes disappear!! He is so smart! A couple of weeks ago I potty trained him and it only took him a week to pretty much get it down. He has a brother and a sister that just adore him. He fits right in....like he has always been with us. He is such a treasure and I cannot imagine my life without him in it!
I am so grateful to you. You carried him in your womb and gave birth to him and chose to try to give him a better life. I refuse to believe that you just gave him up without a second thought. Your tragedy and heartache is my blessing and that makes me feel so guilty and sad for you. Do you know who understands your sacrifice better than anyone else?? God our father! He gave up his son too and He did it for YOU! He did it so that you would have a chance to live eternally with Him in heaven! He loves you more than you could ever imagine and I pray that if you don't known Him yet that you will one day!
You and I, we share something very special and unique. We share a son. You birthed him and I parent him for as long as God allows me to. I wonder if you could peer into our lives, would you be happy with the way I parent him? Would you think your choice was the right one? I hope so! I hope that one day we are able to meet. Until then, I will continue to pray for you, and although it still takes work some days, I will give you grace and choose to believe you did the most selfless thing a mother could do!
In Christ,
Angela
Samuel's other mom
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Adoption: The Aftermath
Amongst the international adoption community it's a common response when people ask why you chose international adoption to respond with a simple, "Because that's where my son/daughter was." That response never seemed so true until after we got Samuel. I can tell you that there is no doubt in my mind that he was meant to be with us.
To be completely transparent, I worried that I would have a hard time loving him. I worried that I would see him differently as I do my bio kids. But, because I worried I prayed and pleaded with God on a daily basis to help me love him the way He loves him.
The moment I saw Samuel God opened my heart and flamed my motherly instincts. He was mine and I knew it just like I knew Austin & Alexa were mine the second I laid eyes on them after they were born. My instincts to protect him, cuddle him, kiss on him, take care of him, and die for him were all present. For the first time I truly understood that God led us to China because that's where our son was.
It is so humbling to think that when God knit Samuel together in his birth mother's womb that He created him with us in mind. He knew He would join our family one day. God places families together and He took us halfway around the world in a foreign country with wonderful people from all over the U.S. to grow our family the way He intended.
We witnessed first hand 11 families being joined together by adoption and it was beautiful. Not only could I see how God made Samuel for us but I witnessed how God made 10 other children with their adoptive families in mind. I saw how they just fit together.
Adoption is more beautiful and wonderful than I ever thought prior to being on this side of it and I yearn for other people to experience this. I know not every family is called to adopt but for every families sake, I wish you all were. There are hard parts along the way but that's what makes it so awesome in the end!! To look back and see how long we waited, how hard we worked, and how much money we raised. But the end result was more than worth it all!!!!
Through this whole process I have learned so much about God. I learned to trust Him more, love him deeper, and I've experienced numerous answered prayers. I've seen what He was doing behind the scenes (after the fact of course) and marveled at what He would do right in front of my face.
I still look at Samuel and I just can't believe he is really mine. He is so amazing! His smile can light up a room and his happy personality can lift my spirits. Sometimes he just puckers up to give me a big kiss and says, "love you." I am so humbled to be his mommy and to be able to watch him slowly learn to love us and feel like he belongs. I often still look at him and just weep...... tears of pure joy and amazement!
So adoption has changed our lives and rocked our world.... where do we go from here? Our hearts are forever changed and we can no longer ignore the orphan crisis. We have seen and know too much. Soooo..... we are in the process of becoming an approved foster home. I haven't made it completely public because I didn't want it to seem like this is about us. But my story and what God is doing in and through me is about Him and giving Him glory! It is because of Him that we choose this path. It is because of Him changing me from the inside out and helping me die to myself every single day. I am no super mom. There is absolutely nothing special about me other than everyday I am committed to getting out of His way and have accepted His invitation to be apart of Him changing lives through the gospel. Sometimes (today even) I feel so inadequate. But He led me to the story of the prostitute, Rahab, in the book of Joshua and I am reminded that He can use ANYBODY! Rahab, a prostitute from an enemy nation of Israel and yet she is in the lineage of Jesus, the mother of Boaz. She had faith in the one true God and risk her life to follow Him.
Five years ago this definitely would not be happening. Heck even a year ago! We have been scared of foster care. Honestly, we still are. The thought of getting attached to a child only to lose them or see them go back to a bad situation makes me very anxious. I feel like we are walking into this knowing there is heartache ahead of us. But God brought me on my face before Him and challenged me. Do I really know what it means to live like Jesus? Praise the Lord that He didn't turn us away and not seek to redeem us just because He knew we would break His heart. If God can sacrifice His own son on that cross (can you imagine His heartache??) then I can allow my heart to be broken all for His glory and His kingdom. These are His children and He will allow them to be in our lives for as long as He wants them to be. Maybe the time these kids are with us is the only time they will hear about Jesus. Maybe that's the only reason He brings them to us temporarily. Maybe we will get the opportunity to mentor and pour into the parent's lives. Maybe He will allow us to adopt again. We don't know exactly what's ahead, but we do know and rest in the fact that God is completely sovereign over all things and that when our hearts get broken, He will be there to comfort us and mend us back together.
It is not lost to us that as our friends and family we are asking you to lay your hearts on the line with us. We know that you may very well get attached to these children just as we will and that some of them will only stay for a while. We are praying for you and your hearts as well as our own. But will you put your hearts on the line with us in the name of Jesus?! Will you trust that He has a plan for them and that plan may not include us permanently?
Thank you for always supporting us and encouraging us!
To be completely transparent, I worried that I would have a hard time loving him. I worried that I would see him differently as I do my bio kids. But, because I worried I prayed and pleaded with God on a daily basis to help me love him the way He loves him.
The moment I saw Samuel God opened my heart and flamed my motherly instincts. He was mine and I knew it just like I knew Austin & Alexa were mine the second I laid eyes on them after they were born. My instincts to protect him, cuddle him, kiss on him, take care of him, and die for him were all present. For the first time I truly understood that God led us to China because that's where our son was.
It is so humbling to think that when God knit Samuel together in his birth mother's womb that He created him with us in mind. He knew He would join our family one day. God places families together and He took us halfway around the world in a foreign country with wonderful people from all over the U.S. to grow our family the way He intended.
We witnessed first hand 11 families being joined together by adoption and it was beautiful. Not only could I see how God made Samuel for us but I witnessed how God made 10 other children with their adoptive families in mind. I saw how they just fit together.
Adoption is more beautiful and wonderful than I ever thought prior to being on this side of it and I yearn for other people to experience this. I know not every family is called to adopt but for every families sake, I wish you all were. There are hard parts along the way but that's what makes it so awesome in the end!! To look back and see how long we waited, how hard we worked, and how much money we raised. But the end result was more than worth it all!!!!
Through this whole process I have learned so much about God. I learned to trust Him more, love him deeper, and I've experienced numerous answered prayers. I've seen what He was doing behind the scenes (after the fact of course) and marveled at what He would do right in front of my face.
I still look at Samuel and I just can't believe he is really mine. He is so amazing! His smile can light up a room and his happy personality can lift my spirits. Sometimes he just puckers up to give me a big kiss and says, "love you." I am so humbled to be his mommy and to be able to watch him slowly learn to love us and feel like he belongs. I often still look at him and just weep...... tears of pure joy and amazement!
So adoption has changed our lives and rocked our world.... where do we go from here? Our hearts are forever changed and we can no longer ignore the orphan crisis. We have seen and know too much. Soooo..... we are in the process of becoming an approved foster home. I haven't made it completely public because I didn't want it to seem like this is about us. But my story and what God is doing in and through me is about Him and giving Him glory! It is because of Him that we choose this path. It is because of Him changing me from the inside out and helping me die to myself every single day. I am no super mom. There is absolutely nothing special about me other than everyday I am committed to getting out of His way and have accepted His invitation to be apart of Him changing lives through the gospel. Sometimes (today even) I feel so inadequate. But He led me to the story of the prostitute, Rahab, in the book of Joshua and I am reminded that He can use ANYBODY! Rahab, a prostitute from an enemy nation of Israel and yet she is in the lineage of Jesus, the mother of Boaz. She had faith in the one true God and risk her life to follow Him.
Five years ago this definitely would not be happening. Heck even a year ago! We have been scared of foster care. Honestly, we still are. The thought of getting attached to a child only to lose them or see them go back to a bad situation makes me very anxious. I feel like we are walking into this knowing there is heartache ahead of us. But God brought me on my face before Him and challenged me. Do I really know what it means to live like Jesus? Praise the Lord that He didn't turn us away and not seek to redeem us just because He knew we would break His heart. If God can sacrifice His own son on that cross (can you imagine His heartache??) then I can allow my heart to be broken all for His glory and His kingdom. These are His children and He will allow them to be in our lives for as long as He wants them to be. Maybe the time these kids are with us is the only time they will hear about Jesus. Maybe that's the only reason He brings them to us temporarily. Maybe we will get the opportunity to mentor and pour into the parent's lives. Maybe He will allow us to adopt again. We don't know exactly what's ahead, but we do know and rest in the fact that God is completely sovereign over all things and that when our hearts get broken, He will be there to comfort us and mend us back together.
It is not lost to us that as our friends and family we are asking you to lay your hearts on the line with us. We know that you may very well get attached to these children just as we will and that some of them will only stay for a while. We are praying for you and your hearts as well as our own. But will you put your hearts on the line with us in the name of Jesus?! Will you trust that He has a plan for them and that plan may not include us permanently?
Thank you for always supporting us and encouraging us!
"Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but him who sent me." Mark 9:37
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Dear Samuel
My Dearest Samuel,
Tomorrow morning we leave for China to come get you and bring you home. We have waited and dreamed of this day for so long. It doesn't seem real that the time has finally come.
My emotions are all over the place. I'm excited to finally meet you and hold you in my arms. I'm scared because we are strangers to you and I'm worried you may not like us very much at first. I'm sad for you as you say goodbye to all you've known and leave it behind. My heart is torn as I leave your brother and sister behind for a time. But I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful because you will never live another day without an earthly father and mother and probably for the first time you will hear the name Jesus. I'm hopeful that one day you will come to know the Lord as your savior as I do.
One day you may wonder why and possibly morn the fact that your birth parents chose to not parent you. But I want you to know and always remember that you are loved, you were chosen, you are special, you are cherished, and you are right where you were always meant to be. I may not have carried you in my tummy but I have carried you in my heart for years. One day when God allows you to understand you will see how adoption represents the gospel and how we were all orphans and sought after. I have already been praying for your salvation and I won't stop until God calls you to Himself.
I promise to always love you. I promise to put you before myself. I promise to always pray for you. I promise to make you feel safe and cherished. I promise to cuddle you and wipe away your tears. I promise to always be there for you. Most importantly.... I promise to tell you all about Jesus and how you were carefully made and your path in life was known before you were born.
So as we begin our journey tomorrow half way around the world to you, I will continue to pray for your heart and for your nannies at the orphanage that you will say goodbye to. I will be praying that eventually you love us and see us as your parents. I can't wait for the day that you call me Mama and tell me that you love me. But I understand that may take time and I promise to be patient. I will see you very soon my son! Until then my heart will continue to yearn for you!
I love you,
Your Mama
Tomorrow morning we leave for China to come get you and bring you home. We have waited and dreamed of this day for so long. It doesn't seem real that the time has finally come.
My emotions are all over the place. I'm excited to finally meet you and hold you in my arms. I'm scared because we are strangers to you and I'm worried you may not like us very much at first. I'm sad for you as you say goodbye to all you've known and leave it behind. My heart is torn as I leave your brother and sister behind for a time. But I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful because you will never live another day without an earthly father and mother and probably for the first time you will hear the name Jesus. I'm hopeful that one day you will come to know the Lord as your savior as I do.
One day you may wonder why and possibly morn the fact that your birth parents chose to not parent you. But I want you to know and always remember that you are loved, you were chosen, you are special, you are cherished, and you are right where you were always meant to be. I may not have carried you in my tummy but I have carried you in my heart for years. One day when God allows you to understand you will see how adoption represents the gospel and how we were all orphans and sought after. I have already been praying for your salvation and I won't stop until God calls you to Himself.
I promise to always love you. I promise to put you before myself. I promise to always pray for you. I promise to make you feel safe and cherished. I promise to cuddle you and wipe away your tears. I promise to always be there for you. Most importantly.... I promise to tell you all about Jesus and how you were carefully made and your path in life was known before you were born.
So as we begin our journey tomorrow half way around the world to you, I will continue to pray for your heart and for your nannies at the orphanage that you will say goodbye to. I will be praying that eventually you love us and see us as your parents. I can't wait for the day that you call me Mama and tell me that you love me. But I understand that may take time and I promise to be patient. I will see you very soon my son! Until then my heart will continue to yearn for you!
I love you,
Your Mama
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
When Fear Surrounds Me
Mother's Day was a little bitter sweet for me this year. I wanted to cry at the thought of Samuel being on the other side of the world away from me. I dream about him a lot. Sometimes I remember very vividly what my dreams entail and sometimes I just know it was about him. I wake up often in the middle of the night and wonder what he is doing. I cannot wait to get to him but not looking forward to leaving Austin & Alexa. It's a strange feeling..... Like being torn in two places. But soon we will all be together!!
We are currently waiting on our I800 approval and then we have another form to fill out. Within the next couple of weeks we will be paying for Samuel's visa to enter the U.S. Each step draws us closer and closer to him. Our hope is that we will leave late July. I may spend my 32nd birthday in China this year.
As of right now we have a little under $7,000 left to raise. We have raised over $30,000 to date. When God called us to this journey we didn't even have $500 in savings. We just got done draining our savings to buy a car with cash so we didn't have any payments and were working on trying to build it back up (I know Dave Ramsey would have had a stroke). We couldn't even afford another child on David's income. But we stepped out because we felt like God wanted us to and He opened the door wide. He provided a better paying job for David within months of us starting the process and He brought all the money in from many different sources all along the way and at just the right time. GOD IS FAITHFUL!!!
But this last chunk of money has brought me great anxiety and fear if I'm honest. More so than all the rest. I know fear is from the devil but I let my flesh take over and the worry begins. I think it's because I see Samuel's face and watch his video and I'm afraid! I'm afraid I won't get to him. I'm afraid if this money doesn't come in he will remain an orphan until it does. Just like the Israelites, I so quickly forget ALL that God has already done and think He can't handle what's ahead. GOD IS FAITHFUL!!! When those fears surface that is my chant!
Since starting this process we have heard from so many people that they would love to adopt or have considered it. But the saddest part to me is that so so many of them didn't do it because of the cost of adoption. It is daunting and can I be really honest and say... Raising it hasn't been easy! At times it's been like a full time job. Not everything we have tried has worked that great, we've been discouraged, and exhausted. But like motherhood, the good outweighs the bad!! We have seen strangers step up and give us money, we have had a few large donations, we have been blessed by the prayers of so many, we have had people give us stuff to sell, people who we never expected to even be able to help us has. We have personally witnessed an army step up and care for the orphan. We are so humbled to be on the receiving end of so many people's generosity.
Because of what I've learned and because of my passion to care for the orphan I have a challenge and an offer. One of you reading this has thought about adoption or would like to adopt. Do you feel a tugging at your heart?? Don't ignore it.... Explore that feeling. Take it to God and ask Him if it's from Him. Prayerfully consider it! If God keeps laying it on your heart don't worry about the money and step out in faith and here is my offer to you..... I will help you raise the money! I will walk this process with you and I will invest my time in your journey so that another orphan can find their forever family. Please send me a message if you want more information about adoption. I would love to help you!
Over the last few weeks when my faith seems to get weak this song has played.... In the car or at the gym on my headphones. Just a reminder that He is faithful & if He is calling you to it He will provide.
We are currently waiting on our I800 approval and then we have another form to fill out. Within the next couple of weeks we will be paying for Samuel's visa to enter the U.S. Each step draws us closer and closer to him. Our hope is that we will leave late July. I may spend my 32nd birthday in China this year.
As of right now we have a little under $7,000 left to raise. We have raised over $30,000 to date. When God called us to this journey we didn't even have $500 in savings. We just got done draining our savings to buy a car with cash so we didn't have any payments and were working on trying to build it back up (I know Dave Ramsey would have had a stroke). We couldn't even afford another child on David's income. But we stepped out because we felt like God wanted us to and He opened the door wide. He provided a better paying job for David within months of us starting the process and He brought all the money in from many different sources all along the way and at just the right time. GOD IS FAITHFUL!!!
But this last chunk of money has brought me great anxiety and fear if I'm honest. More so than all the rest. I know fear is from the devil but I let my flesh take over and the worry begins. I think it's because I see Samuel's face and watch his video and I'm afraid! I'm afraid I won't get to him. I'm afraid if this money doesn't come in he will remain an orphan until it does. Just like the Israelites, I so quickly forget ALL that God has already done and think He can't handle what's ahead. GOD IS FAITHFUL!!! When those fears surface that is my chant!
Since starting this process we have heard from so many people that they would love to adopt or have considered it. But the saddest part to me is that so so many of them didn't do it because of the cost of adoption. It is daunting and can I be really honest and say... Raising it hasn't been easy! At times it's been like a full time job. Not everything we have tried has worked that great, we've been discouraged, and exhausted. But like motherhood, the good outweighs the bad!! We have seen strangers step up and give us money, we have had a few large donations, we have been blessed by the prayers of so many, we have had people give us stuff to sell, people who we never expected to even be able to help us has. We have personally witnessed an army step up and care for the orphan. We are so humbled to be on the receiving end of so many people's generosity.
Because of what I've learned and because of my passion to care for the orphan I have a challenge and an offer. One of you reading this has thought about adoption or would like to adopt. Do you feel a tugging at your heart?? Don't ignore it.... Explore that feeling. Take it to God and ask Him if it's from Him. Prayerfully consider it! If God keeps laying it on your heart don't worry about the money and step out in faith and here is my offer to you..... I will help you raise the money! I will walk this process with you and I will invest my time in your journey so that another orphan can find their forever family. Please send me a message if you want more information about adoption. I would love to help you!
Over the last few weeks when my faith seems to get weak this song has played.... In the car or at the gym on my headphones. Just a reminder that He is faithful & if He is calling you to it He will provide.
"May He equip you with all you need for doing His will. May He produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, every good thing that is pleasing to him. All glory to Him forever and ever! Amen."
Hebrews 13:21
Thursday, October 9, 2014
GETTING CLOSER
Many of you saw me post a couple days ago about the documents that we overnighted to Nashville & Tallahassee to have state sealed. Well, the ones from Nashville are back and waiting at FedEx for me to pick up. Unfortunately, David's birth certificate that went to Florida to be state sealed got delayed a day. But it was delivered this morning at 10. Hopefully they will mail it back out today & I'll have it in my hands tomorrow. Next week.... our dossier gets sent to our adoption agency and they will look over it and send it to China. I seriously cried this morning because I am so happy to get to this point.
I have been asked by many why adoption costs so much. For one thing there are many smaller fees and they all add up very quickly. It costs over $70 to overnight those 2 packages to be state sealed and when I go pick it up it will be another $70 because it was overnighted back to us (and you know FL or TN wasn't going to incur that cost). There are seriously fees at every corner not to mention the big ones (country fees, travel & accommodations, required orphanage donation, program fees, legal fees, post adoption fees, etc....). But we KNOW God is faithful and He wouldn't have called us to this if He wasn't planning on providing financially for us to do it debt free.
In the very beginning of this process we were working on our home study and I had a moment of insanity where I thought maybe we should just have another one biologically. I started to get upset that I would never have another positive pregnancy test, never feel my baby move in my womb or get hiccups, or sustain my baby's life alone by the milk my body creates. But I can tell you that even to this point we are at now that we have had amazing moments in this journey that have been just as special. When I got the call that our home study was approved.... I cried tears of joy! When I woke up and tracked my documents and learned that one set is already back and waiting for me to pick up.... I cried tears of joy! When I described the very vivid dream I had last night to David of us in China going to get our son..... I cried tears of joy! When I imagine the day that we will get "the call" that they have a referral for us...... I cry tears of joy! Maybe I won't ever nurse a baby, or carry one in my womb, or hear their first cry as they enter this world. But I will get to pull up his picture on my computer screen and see his face for the first time. I will get to travel a long way and wake up on the other side of the world to go pick up our son. I will get to tell him that I am his mama. I will get to bring him home and introduce him to his brother and sister.
I have been asked before if I think I can love him as much as my biological children and honestly in the very beginning I asked myself the same question. But now I can honestly tell you just like I loved Austin & Alexa when they were tiny beans in my belly, I love this child! The mere thought of him, the reality that he will join us soon, and maybe it won't even be a him but a her. The same instinct that causes you to love the baby that you carry in your womb even before you know the gender or see the first ultrasound is the same instinct that kicks in for me when I think of this child we are working hard to get. He is mine & David's and God knew it when He created him in his biological mothers womb.
I am hoping to be able to announce to you in the next few weeks that we are officially logged into China and beginning our wait for a referral. You know they say it takes a village to raise a child. Well it has and is going to take a village to bring this child home. We still have a lot of money to raise (about $27,000) but I am amazed at the money that has come in right when we needed it. We will owe $2,260 when we mail our dossier to our adoption agency. Because a "village" of very giving people we already have that fee raised. When we receive and accept a referral (a child that they believe is a good fit for us) we will owe $5,400. At that point we will have a picture of his face to show all of you. Of that fee we have already raised about $2,000. Of the $27,000 that we have left to raise about $12,000-$15,000 of that is for travel and accommodations for a 2 week stay in China to get our baby. We are seriously beyond grateful for each and every one of you that has given of your time, money, and have prayed for us!!
Continue to pray that financially God will take care of it and that we won't worry in the least. Pray for our child. My prayer and one that I ask of you to pray with me is that if/when he is abandoned that he is found quickly and taken to an orphanage to get cared for and fed, that he never goes hungry, and that he has a special care taker that sings to him and has a special place in her heart for him and as impossible as it may seem in a very non-christian country I pray that she is a Jesus follower and whispers stories of Jesus in his ear. I pray that his little heart knows that we are coming for him and that he has parents and a brother and sister that are fighting for him, praying for him, and that love him! Will you pray this prayer with me in the name of Jesus?
I have been asked by many why adoption costs so much. For one thing there are many smaller fees and they all add up very quickly. It costs over $70 to overnight those 2 packages to be state sealed and when I go pick it up it will be another $70 because it was overnighted back to us (and you know FL or TN wasn't going to incur that cost). There are seriously fees at every corner not to mention the big ones (country fees, travel & accommodations, required orphanage donation, program fees, legal fees, post adoption fees, etc....). But we KNOW God is faithful and He wouldn't have called us to this if He wasn't planning on providing financially for us to do it debt free.
In the very beginning of this process we were working on our home study and I had a moment of insanity where I thought maybe we should just have another one biologically. I started to get upset that I would never have another positive pregnancy test, never feel my baby move in my womb or get hiccups, or sustain my baby's life alone by the milk my body creates. But I can tell you that even to this point we are at now that we have had amazing moments in this journey that have been just as special. When I got the call that our home study was approved.... I cried tears of joy! When I woke up and tracked my documents and learned that one set is already back and waiting for me to pick up.... I cried tears of joy! When I described the very vivid dream I had last night to David of us in China going to get our son..... I cried tears of joy! When I imagine the day that we will get "the call" that they have a referral for us...... I cry tears of joy! Maybe I won't ever nurse a baby, or carry one in my womb, or hear their first cry as they enter this world. But I will get to pull up his picture on my computer screen and see his face for the first time. I will get to travel a long way and wake up on the other side of the world to go pick up our son. I will get to tell him that I am his mama. I will get to bring him home and introduce him to his brother and sister.
I have been asked before if I think I can love him as much as my biological children and honestly in the very beginning I asked myself the same question. But now I can honestly tell you just like I loved Austin & Alexa when they were tiny beans in my belly, I love this child! The mere thought of him, the reality that he will join us soon, and maybe it won't even be a him but a her. The same instinct that causes you to love the baby that you carry in your womb even before you know the gender or see the first ultrasound is the same instinct that kicks in for me when I think of this child we are working hard to get. He is mine & David's and God knew it when He created him in his biological mothers womb.
I am hoping to be able to announce to you in the next few weeks that we are officially logged into China and beginning our wait for a referral. You know they say it takes a village to raise a child. Well it has and is going to take a village to bring this child home. We still have a lot of money to raise (about $27,000) but I am amazed at the money that has come in right when we needed it. We will owe $2,260 when we mail our dossier to our adoption agency. Because a "village" of very giving people we already have that fee raised. When we receive and accept a referral (a child that they believe is a good fit for us) we will owe $5,400. At that point we will have a picture of his face to show all of you. Of that fee we have already raised about $2,000. Of the $27,000 that we have left to raise about $12,000-$15,000 of that is for travel and accommodations for a 2 week stay in China to get our baby. We are seriously beyond grateful for each and every one of you that has given of your time, money, and have prayed for us!!
Continue to pray that financially God will take care of it and that we won't worry in the least. Pray for our child. My prayer and one that I ask of you to pray with me is that if/when he is abandoned that he is found quickly and taken to an orphanage to get cared for and fed, that he never goes hungry, and that he has a special care taker that sings to him and has a special place in her heart for him and as impossible as it may seem in a very non-christian country I pray that she is a Jesus follower and whispers stories of Jesus in his ear. I pray that his little heart knows that we are coming for him and that he has parents and a brother and sister that are fighting for him, praying for him, and that love him! Will you pray this prayer with me in the name of Jesus?
"Truly, truly, I say to you, whatever you ask of the Father in my name, he will give it to you."
John 16:23
Thursday, September 25, 2014
WHY ARE WE ADOPTING ANYWAY?
We get asked a lot, "Why are you adopting?" I even got asked by a man the other day if it was because I couldn't have anymore of my own. For the most part the questions do not offend me in the slightest. I am sometimes surprised by people's boldness but usually not offended. If anything it gives me the opportunity to share about something that I am passionate about and it almost always leads into my faith. So its a win win if you asked me.
So for those of you that don't know and are wondering here is some answers to some common questions we get....
1) Can you not have anymore of your own?
Actually I have no issues in that area. All I have to do it say I want to get pregnant and I do. I have been very blessed when it comes to that. I have although had 2 c-sections and I would like to spare my body from another one. They are brutal in my opinion. That door isn't entirely closed though. I am pretty sure we will not have anymore biological children but I can't say for 100% certainty that it won't be God's path for us.
2) Why wouldn't you just adopt here?
Amos in the Bible was called by God to be a prophet and deliver a message of judgement to the Israelites. As you can imagine, they didn't like what he told them. When Amaziah the priest in the 7th chapter of Amos basically told Amos to go away Amos in verse 15 says, "But the Lord took me from following the flock, and the Lord said to me, 'Go prophesy to my people Israel.'" Basically, Amos is saying, "Hey God told me to come here and do this." That pretty much sums up why we are doing an international adoption as opposed to domestic or why we are adopting at all for that matter. We are following the path God has laid out for us the best that we can.
Bottom line is WE BELIEVE IN ADOPTION!! Domestic, international, foster to adopt..... whatever path God leads you down is not better or worse than the other ones. It's His path for your family. The thing is the orphan crisis is EVERYWHERE. Some places its more prominent than others but it is a sad situation and reality for every country.
3) Why would you do that?
Well you can really refer back to #2 to answer this one but I would like to add some to that. In the book of James we are called to care for the orphans. For some that means adoption but that's not God's call to every christian. For us, we had a desire placed in our hearts about 7 years ago for adoption. I remember telling my mother-in-law all those years ago that I felt like we were called to one day adopt. This path has been obvious to us for many years. But it is our path and we don't all have the same one. Maybe you are called to serve in an orphanage in Africa, or foster children here in the US, or financially support a family that is adopting, or volunteer at a women's shelter and help teach them how to parent. That calling looks different for all of us but has a common denominator..... the orphan.
Also, adoption is the absolute core of our beliefs. I praise God for His adoption plan for us. "He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ...." Ephesians 1:5. Adoption is a beautiful picture of the gospel.
Lastly, we are called to love. Think about what it means to love one another as we love ourselves. I don't know about you but I wouldn't want to be abandoned by my parents and no one come and give me a home and a family. So if I don't want that for myself and I'm supposed to love others as I DO MYSELF then shouldn't I be willing to do something about it even just for one?? I want my kids to learn how to love others as the Bible calls us to. What is the most effective way in teaching them that? In Proverbs 23:26 Solomon writes, "My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways." My children may listen to what I tell them but they will most definitely mimic what David & I do and say. To teach them to love, we must love and show them by our actions how to do it.
4) But your children are so cute.
This is a statement and not a question I know but I hear it a lot. It sort of makes me laugh. So does that mean if I adopt a child they won't be cute? I could take this statement and go in many different directions...... like societies standards of what "cute" is and whats not. But all I will say is this.... I completely trust God that this child will be a perfect fit for our family. Whether you believe so or not is not my concern. So to me, he will be cute I just know it!
I know that there are people that don't agree with what we are doing and that is fine. I can't change your heart and open your eyes and force you to love. But there is one thing I won't tolerate and that's hate. David was told just a couple of days ago by someone who at one time was close to my family that they just can't love one of those people (referring to the Chinese). She doesn't believe we should "bring one of those people over here to marry our people." Wow! So I guess God only created Americans and we are the only ones worthy of living?? Which by the way is anyone really originally an American??? My ancestors are from England & Germany. I guess I'm a foreigner too.... Oh and so is David. Guess we should be deported.
If you say you are a christian and believe this way then I challenge you to really search your relationship with God and ask yourself how well do you know Him. Because to truly know God is to know His heart for His people that He created.... which by the way is every human being on this planet no matter what your skin color or the country your from. Do you think God enjoys and condones you hating and being down right prejudice to people that He created in HIS IMAGE??
I will say this and I am done..... If you can't love Austin, Alexa, and the little one in China waiting for us.... then you can't love me and you don't love me! My highest calling is to motherhood and the children that I am blessed with and that call me mommy. I will stand before God's throne one day and have to answer to how I discipled them and I will protect them with my life. This child we are adopting will be no different for me than the children I birthed from my body. So if you have just down right nasty things to say then you will have no place in my life or my children's. I hate that some will obviously miss out on a blessing but I can't change people. What I can do is protect and disciple my children.... adopted & biological and I fully intend to do just that!
Lastly, we are called to love. Think about what it means to love one another as we love ourselves. I don't know about you but I wouldn't want to be abandoned by my parents and no one come and give me a home and a family. So if I don't want that for myself and I'm supposed to love others as I DO MYSELF then shouldn't I be willing to do something about it even just for one?? I want my kids to learn how to love others as the Bible calls us to. What is the most effective way in teaching them that? In Proverbs 23:26 Solomon writes, "My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways." My children may listen to what I tell them but they will most definitely mimic what David & I do and say. To teach them to love, we must love and show them by our actions how to do it.
4) But your children are so cute.
This is a statement and not a question I know but I hear it a lot. It sort of makes me laugh. So does that mean if I adopt a child they won't be cute? I could take this statement and go in many different directions...... like societies standards of what "cute" is and whats not. But all I will say is this.... I completely trust God that this child will be a perfect fit for our family. Whether you believe so or not is not my concern. So to me, he will be cute I just know it!
I know that there are people that don't agree with what we are doing and that is fine. I can't change your heart and open your eyes and force you to love. But there is one thing I won't tolerate and that's hate. David was told just a couple of days ago by someone who at one time was close to my family that they just can't love one of those people (referring to the Chinese). She doesn't believe we should "bring one of those people over here to marry our people." Wow! So I guess God only created Americans and we are the only ones worthy of living?? Which by the way is anyone really originally an American??? My ancestors are from England & Germany. I guess I'm a foreigner too.... Oh and so is David. Guess we should be deported.
If you say you are a christian and believe this way then I challenge you to really search your relationship with God and ask yourself how well do you know Him. Because to truly know God is to know His heart for His people that He created.... which by the way is every human being on this planet no matter what your skin color or the country your from. Do you think God enjoys and condones you hating and being down right prejudice to people that He created in HIS IMAGE??
I will say this and I am done..... If you can't love Austin, Alexa, and the little one in China waiting for us.... then you can't love me and you don't love me! My highest calling is to motherhood and the children that I am blessed with and that call me mommy. I will stand before God's throne one day and have to answer to how I discipled them and I will protect them with my life. This child we are adopting will be no different for me than the children I birthed from my body. So if you have just down right nasty things to say then you will have no place in my life or my children's. I hate that some will obviously miss out on a blessing but I can't change people. What I can do is protect and disciple my children.... adopted & biological and I fully intend to do just that!
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