Adoption: The Aftermath

Amongst the international adoption community it's a common response when people ask why you chose international adoption to respond with a simple, "Because that's where my son/daughter was." That response never seemed so true until after we got Samuel. I can tell you that there is no doubt in my mind that he was meant to be with us.
To be completely transparent, I worried that I would have a hard time loving him. I worried that I would see him differently as I do my bio kids. But, because I worried I prayed and pleaded with God on a daily basis to help me love him the way He loves him.
The moment I saw Samuel God opened my heart and flamed my motherly instincts. He was mine and I knew it just like I knew Austin & Alexa were mine the second I laid eyes on them after they were born. My instincts to protect him, cuddle him, kiss on him, take care of him, and die for him were all present. For the first time I truly understood that God led us to China because that's where our son was.
It is so humbling to think that when God knit Samuel together in his birth mother's womb that He created him with us in mind. He knew He would join our family one day. God places families together and He took us halfway around the world in a foreign country with wonderful people from all over the U.S. to grow our family the way He intended.
We witnessed first hand 11 families being joined together by adoption and it was beautiful. Not only could I see how God made Samuel for us but I witnessed how God made 10 other children with their adoptive families in mind. I saw how they just fit together.
Adoption is more beautiful and wonderful than I ever thought prior to being on this side of it and I yearn for other people to experience this. I know not every family is called to adopt but for every families sake, I wish you all were. There are hard parts along the way but that's what makes it so awesome in the end!! To look back and see how long we waited, how hard we worked, and how much money we raised. But the end result was more than worth it all!!!!
Through this whole process I have learned so much about God. I learned to trust Him more, love him deeper, and I've experienced numerous answered prayers. I've seen what He was doing behind the scenes (after the fact of course) and marveled at what He would do right in front of my face.
I still look at Samuel and I just can't believe he is really mine. He is so amazing! His smile can light up a room and his happy personality can lift my spirits. Sometimes he just puckers up to give me a big kiss and says, "love you." I am so humbled to be his mommy and to be able to watch him slowly learn to love us and feel like he belongs. I often still look at him and just weep...... tears of pure joy and amazement!
So adoption has changed our lives and rocked our world.... where do we go from here? Our hearts are forever changed and we can no longer ignore the orphan crisis. We have seen and know too much. Soooo..... we are in the process of becoming an approved foster home. I haven't made it completely public because I didn't want it to seem like this is about us. But my story and what God is doing in and through me is about Him and giving Him glory!  It is because of Him that we choose this path. It is because of Him changing me from the inside out and helping me die to myself every single day. I am no super mom. There is absolutely nothing special about me other than everyday I am committed to getting out of His way and have accepted His invitation to be apart of Him changing lives through the gospel. Sometimes (today even) I feel so inadequate. But He led me to the story of the prostitute, Rahab, in the book of Joshua and I am reminded that He can use ANYBODY! Rahab, a prostitute from an enemy nation of Israel and yet she is in the lineage of Jesus, the mother of Boaz. She had faith in the one true God and risk her life to follow Him.
Five years ago this definitely would not be happening. Heck even a year ago! We have been scared of foster care. Honestly, we still are. The thought of getting attached to a child only to lose them or see them go back to a bad situation makes me very anxious. I feel like we are walking into this knowing there is heartache ahead of us. But God brought me on my face before Him and challenged me. Do I really know what it means to live like Jesus? Praise the Lord that He didn't turn us away and not seek to redeem us just because He knew we would break His heart. If God can sacrifice His own son on that cross (can you imagine His heartache??) then I can allow my heart to be broken all for His glory and His kingdom. These are His children and He will allow them to be in our lives for as long as He wants them to be. Maybe the time these kids are with us is the only time they will hear about Jesus. Maybe that's the only reason He brings them to us temporarily. Maybe we will get the opportunity to mentor and pour into the parent's lives. Maybe He will allow us to adopt again. We don't know exactly what's ahead, but we do know and rest in the fact that God is completely sovereign over all things and that when our hearts get broken, He will be there to comfort us and mend us back together.
It is not lost to us that as our friends and family we are asking you to lay your hearts on the line with us. We know that you may very well get attached to these children just as we will and that some of them will only stay for a while. We are praying for you and your hearts as well as our own. But will you put your hearts on the line with us in the name of Jesus?! Will you trust that He has a plan for them and that plan may not include us permanently? 
Thank you for always supporting us and encouraging us!

"Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but him who sent me."  Mark 9:37