I think about you everyday. I often wonder if you think about the son you chose to abandon. Do you think about him as much as I think about you? Do you wonder who is caring for him? Do you wonder what he looks like now and how much he has grown? Do you wonder if he looks like you?
There are days that, honestly, I hate you. When I think about him laying outside that hospital alone, a 2 day old baby, I get so angry. How could you just leave him there? How could you just walk away from such a treasure, such a gift from God?
But those days when I want to hate you, the Holy Spirit convicts my heart and reminds me that I'm no better than you and shows me the care you displayed. You left him outside of a hospital..... That right there should speak volumes that you were trying to give him what he needed even if that meant you had to give him up. You left him wearing the sweetest little yellow infant shirt and a bottle of milk. I imagine that just maybe you watched at a safe distance until someone found him. Did you cry for him? Deep down in my heart, I know you did.
I pray for you regularly. I pray that God will send someone to tell you about Jesus and that you would accept His special gift of salvation. I tell your son about Jesus, I read Him stories from the Bible, and I fervently pray for His salvation. Because I believe in the power of prayer I just know that in God's timing he will come to know Jesus as His savior. I have even prayed that just maybe, God would call him back to China as a missionary to his own people. Maybe God will orchestrate it for you to meet one day by a divine appointment. Just maybe, it will be Samuel, as an adult that shares the gospel with you. I pray for that & if that's not God's will then I pray that one day you will meet in heaven.
Can I tell you a little about your son........our son? He has the funniest and sweetest personality. He loves trains and cars and the only TV show he will actually watch is Thomas the Train. He loves to cuddle and give kisses and before he puckers for a kiss he will say "wuv you." When he is tired he puts his arm over his face and makes this funny noise with his mouth. He is a mommy's boy through and through. He wants to sit in my lap and for me to hold him almost constantly. He has the biggest smile.... So big his eyes disappear!! He is so smart! A couple of weeks ago I potty trained him and it only took him a week to pretty much get it down. He has a brother and a sister that just adore him. He fits right in....like he has always been with us. He is such a treasure and I cannot imagine my life without him in it!
I am so grateful to you. You carried him in your womb and gave birth to him and chose to try to give him a better life. I refuse to believe that you just gave him up without a second thought. Your tragedy and heartache is my blessing and that makes me feel so guilty and sad for you. Do you know who understands your sacrifice better than anyone else?? God our father! He gave up his son too and He did it for YOU! He did it so that you would have a chance to live eternally with Him in heaven! He loves you more than you could ever imagine and I pray that if you don't known Him yet that you will one day!
You and I, we share something very special and unique. We share a son. You birthed him and I parent him for as long as God allows me to. I wonder if you could peer into our lives, would you be happy with the way I parent him? Would you think your choice was the right one? I hope so! I hope that one day we are able to meet. Until then, I will continue to pray for you, and although it still takes work some days, I will give you grace and choose to believe you did the most selfless thing a mother could do!
In Christ,
Angela
Samuel's other mom
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