A Crazy, Naked Man

Luke 8:26-39 ESV

Jesus Heals a Man with a Demon

²⁶ Then they sailed to the country of the Gerasenes, which is opposite Galilee. ²⁷ When Jesus had stepped out on land, there met him a man from the city who had demons. For a long time he had worn no clothes, and he had not lived in a house but among the tombs. ²⁸ When he saw Jesus, he cried out and fell down before him and said with a loud voice, “What have you to do with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I beg you, do not torment me.” ²⁹ For he had commanded the unclean spirit to come out of the man. (For many a time it had seized him. He was kept under guard and bound with chains and shackles, but he would break the bonds and be driven by the demon into the desert.) ³⁰ Jesus then asked him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Legion,” for many demons had entered him. ³¹ And they begged him not to command them to depart into the abyss. ³² Now a large herd of pigs was feeding there on the hillside, and they begged him to let them enter these. So he gave them permission. ³³ Then the demons came out of the man and entered the pigs, and the herd rushed down the steep bank into the lake and drowned.
³⁴ When the herdsmen saw what had happened, they fled and told it in the city and in the country. ³⁵ Then people went out to see what had happened, and they came to Jesus and found the man from whom the demons had gone, sitting at the feet of Jesus, clothed and in his right mind, and they were afraid. ³⁶ And those who had seen it told them how the demon-possessed man had been healed. ³⁷ Then all the people of the surrounding country of the Gerasenes asked him to depart from them, for they were seized with great fear. So he got into the boat and returned. ³⁸ The man from whom the demons had gone begged that he might be with him, but Jesus sent him away, saying, ³⁹ “Return to your home, and declare how much God has done for you.” And he went away, proclaiming throughout the whole city how much Jesus had done for him.


Picture this with me.... Jesus has just calmed the raging storm in verses 22-25 (I imagine the disciples are still a little frazzled) and He steps out of the boat in a seemingly Gentile country with about 2,000 "unclean" pigs running around, and a naked, crazy man who lives in a cemetery. I would imagine the disciples were not very comfortable with the situation Jesus had brought them into. But Jesus does not call us to be comfortable!

So, there is this naked, demon possessed man who immediately recognizes Jesus and falls down at His feet and begs for mercy. When Jesus asked his name, the man said, "Legion." Legion means great number and the fact that in Mark we are told there were 2,000 pigs that Jesus cast the demons into, that gives us a pretty good idea how many demons possessed this man.   

What do the pigs do when these demons enter them? They committed suicide by running down the hill into the lake and drowning. I think that is a good indicator how miserable it must have been for this man to be possessed by all those demons. My mind can't seem to comprehend it. Can you imagine though how joyful he must have been to finally be free from that bondage?

The herdsmen run to spread the word about what just happened and people from the city and country come out to see for themselves what is going on. What they find is a beautiful picture of redemption and transformation. This man, who for a long time was naked, living in a cemetery and seemingly crazy was sitting at the feet of Jesus, fully clothed, and completely sane. That my friends is the gospel!! When you accept Jesus as your Savior you are clothed in His righteousness and transformed from the inside out. God looks at you and sees Jesus. All your sins, past, present, and future are wiped clean. You are a new creation!

After what Jesus had done for this man, the man begs to go with Him. But in verse 39, Jesus says, "Return to your home, and declare how much God has done for you" and in the last part of the verse it says the man "went away, proclaiming throughout the whole city how much Jesus had done for him." Jesus had made such an impact on this man's life, he couldn't help but go and tell people about it. Who better to know first hand his transformation than those who he had lived among probably most if not all of his life. Are some people called to cross an ocean and move to a foreign land to share the gospel.....Absolutely!! Some are also called to stay where they are for now and proclaim the gospel there. This passage is very convicting for me! Am I proclaiming to the world the transformation Jesus has done in my life?

The point is this..... it's not a matter of where geographically God has placed you. What matters most is, are you telling people what Jesus has done for you where He has you right now? Is your life a reflection of a true transformation? If there is no evidence of transformation you have to ask yourself, 'Do I have a relationship with Jesus Christ at all?' This relationship isn't achieved by works but by faith and grace that is freely offered to you. Ephesians 3:8 says, "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God." Being fruitful and living a life that looks radically different to the world will come all on its own if your experiencing Jesus and abiding in him. Do you truly know Him? If you died today are you 100% certain that you will go to Heaven? Too much is at stake to not be sure!!! 

Temptation

Luke 4:1-13 ESV

The Temptation of Jesus

 And Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the wilderness ² for forty days, being tempted by the devil. And he ate nothing during those days. And when they were ended, he was hungry. ³ The devil said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command this stone to become bread.” ⁴ And Jesus answered him, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone.’” ⁵ And the devil took him up and showed him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time, ⁶ and said to him, “To you I will give all this authority and their glory, for it has been delivered to me, and I give it to whom I will. ⁷ If you, then, will worship me, it will all be yours.” ⁸ And Jesus answered him, “It is written,

“‘You shall worship the Lord your God,
    and him only shall you serve.’”

⁹ And he took him to Jerusalem and set him on the pinnacle of the temple and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down from here, ¹⁰ for it is written,

“‘He will command his angels concerning you,
    to guard you,’

¹¹ and

“‘On their hands they will bear you up,
    lest you strike your foot against a stone.’”

¹² And Jesus answered him, “It is said, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’” ¹³ And when the devil had ended every temptation, he departed from him until an opportune time.

Just before the temptation of Jesus takes place, Jesus was baptized by John the baptist. Jesus identified with us through baptism and through temptation. Hebrews chapter 4 verse 15 states, "For we do not have a high priest (Jesus) who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin." We face the same temptations Jesus did in chapter 4 of Luke. The difference is, many times we give in to those temptations and Jesus resisted them every time. There is a lot to learn in this section of scripture. Satan is on the prowl and he knows our weaknesses. But he can't make us do anything. He is not all powerful like our Lord Jesus is. 

Before we talk about the 3 temptations listed, notice verse 2 says "for forty days, being tempted by the devil." That verse makes it evident that for the entire 40 days that Jesus was in the wilderness fasting that He was fighting off the temptations of the devil. In this chapter of Luke we are given only 3 specific temptations.

In verses 3-4 of Luke 4, Jesus faces temptation #1. Keep in mind here that Jesus has not eaten in almost 6 weeks. The temptation to use His divine power for His own purpose and feed His hungry belly must have been stronger than any temptation I have faced. Have you ever taken matters into your own hands and tried to provide for yourself instead of letting God do it?  John Hamby, a pastor from Arkansas,  said, "We regularly are tempted to go outside the confines of God’s will to satisfy our personal needs or desires. We often promote ourselves because we are sure that God will not do it. We scheme and we plan for our well-being, because we assume that God does not care or maybe does not know about our needs."

Jesus' response to this temptation was scripture. He not only knew the Word but He lived by it. What is the point in knowing the Bible if we do not model our lives after it? The Pharisees were known throughout the new testament for knowing the scriptures by heart. Yet their lives did not reflect the heart of God. If someone from your work is surprised to hear that you go to church or that your a christian, I believe, that's a problem and probably a good indicator that what you've read in the Bible your not living out. Jesus should literally be bursting out of us. If He isn't, maybe you need to ask yourself if you know Him at all. I'm not trying to ruffle anyone's feathers (although the truth of God does that a lot of times) or make you question your salvation but there was a time that I wasn't sure if I really knew Him at all. So I know what it's like to be in that place and the only way to fix it is to cry out to God, confess your sins, and by faith ask Him for forgiveness. Do not go another day questioning it. Too much is at stake for you not to be certain.

Temptation #2 is revealed in verses 5-8. The devil offers Jesus a kingdom. A kingdom that will be His minus the cross. If Jesus had fallen into any of these temptations, the results would have been catastrophic for us. But this one for me seems like the devil is testing Jesus' love for us more so than the others. Why suffer and die on a cross for the world when you can have a kingdom right here and now? The world is constantly putting it into our heads that we need to avoid sacrifice. We need to choose the easy path. We need to be comfortable. Why stayed married when the going gets tough? Just get divorced and find someone else. Why give till it hurts when that could be a brand new car payment? The result of the supposed "easy road" is that children all over the world are suffering because of a broken family. Americans particularly are in so much debt we are drowning in it. All for the latest and greatest and to keep up with the Jones'.  Praise God that Jesus chose to suffer and sacrifice himself for us. 

In verses 9-11 we read about temptation #3. Satan takes Jesus to the roof of the temple with a 450 foot drop and challenges Him using none other than scripture. My husband, David, has been really focusing on memorizing scripture recently. The other day he said to me, "If Satan knew scripture, shouldn't we?" Well, isn't that convicting and oh so true? The devil, using scripture, was tempting Jesus to put God to the test. These 40 days in the wilderness marks the beginning of Jesus' ministry. To start His ministry by dramatically jumping from the temple roof, where everyone would have seen it, would have been against the will of God. Immediately it would have been revealed to the people that Jesus was the Messiah. We all tempt God whether we want to call it that or not. 

Satan tried to distract Jesus from the mission He was sent to earth to complete and He tried to put a wedge between Jesus and God the father. Jesus defeated Satan every single time. In verse 13 it says that the devil departed from Jesus until "an opportune time." Satan continued throughout Jesus' ministry to tempt him. In the wilderness, Jesus resisted all of the devil's temptations. But that did not stop him. The devil is persistent and if you resist him once he will come at you from a different angle. It is impossible to fight the devil off without an abiding relationship with Jesus Christ that includes prayer and time in the Bible. We need to be so filled up with Christ that there is no room for Satan to distract us. 

So put on your armor (Ephesians 5:10-20) because there is a spiritual battle being waged and if you are abiding in Jesus, you are under attack by the enemy.

  

The Crooked Woman

^{Luke 13:10-17 ESV}

^{A Woman with a Disabling Spirit}

¹⁰ Now he (Jesus) was teaching in one of the synagogues on the Sabbath. ¹¹ And behold, there was a woman who had had a disabling spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not fully straighten herself. ¹² When Jesus saw her, he called her over and said to her, “Woman, you are freed from your disability.” ¹³ And he laid his hands on her, and immediately she was made straight, and she glorified God. ¹⁴ But the ruler of the synagogue, indignant because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath, said to the people, “There are six days in which work ought to be done. Come on those days and be healed, and not on the Sabbath day.” ¹⁵ Then the Lord answered him, “You hypocrites! Does not each of you on the Sabbath untie his ox or his donkey from the manger and lead it away to water it? ¹⁶ And ought not this woman, a daughter of Abraham whom Satan bound for eighteen years, be loosed from this bond on the Sabbath day?” ¹⁷ As he said these things, all his adversaries were put to shame, and all the people rejoiced at all the glorious things that were done by him.

My intention was to start a blog series of devotionals with more of a Bible study feel to them.... you know more meat and potatoes type stuff. I had planned to start in chapter 1 of the book of Luke just because that's what book I'm studying right now. But last week this passage in Luke 13 captivated me and the Lord has brought it to my mind everyday since. So, I would like to promise you that I'm going to post a devotional type post for women everyday but lets be honest, I'm a homeschool mom of 3 and sometimes it just may not get done. But I do plan on posting as the Lord lays things on my heart and hopefully it will turn into an everyday source for women looking for guidance during their daily quiet times or in addition to. 

So when I read this passage last week, there were 3 words that jumped off the page at me and they were, "Jesus saw her." Have you ever felt looked over, put on the back burner, forgotten, unimportant or unappreciated? As women we live here on a daily basis. Another woman walks in the room that we see as better than us, prettier than us, or more put together and there we are..... feeling overshadowed and overlooked. I believe the root of those feelings stem from pride most times, but that's a lesson for another day. My point today is this, no matter how you feel..... Jesus sees you and He thinks your important enough to die for you. You aren't forgotten. You were on His mind as they drove the nails through his feet and hands. Jesus saw you that day and He has seen every day, every minute, and every second since. 

This no-name woman in this passage spent 18 years bent over and couldn't stand up straight. I refer to her as "the crooked woman." Just stand up for a second and bend over and try to raise your head and look at the ceiling. Its quite a strain on the neck and that's assuming she was even able to bend her neck to raise her head up at all. Here is my point, she could barely look into the face of the person standing before her. For 18 years she spent everyday looking down at the ground. Talk about feeling unimportant and forgotten. But Jesus saw her, called her, and touched her. At the very sound of His voice, the crooked is made straight. On the surface this passage seems to just be about Jesus healing a woman of a physical ailment that was caused by an evil spirit. But I believe this passage is supposed to show us more about this woman's heart and Jesus transforming her from the inside out. The crooked is made straight!

As you read the rest of the passage it is evident that Jesus has ruffled the feathers of this synagogue ruler. This guy was more concerned with the "rules" they had assigned to the Sabbath day than he was for people. Religious law trumped one of the 2 greatest commandments we are given...... To love others as we love ourselves (Matt. 22:37-40). He put rules, religion, and law over people. The very people we are told to love and that Christ hung on that cross for. Jesus says in Matthew 22 to depend all of the law on the 2 greatest commandments..... to love the Lord and to love others. Can you imagine how things would change if everything we did stemmed from those 2? 

Today, I laid out in my hammock in the backyard facing the back where all the trees are. I looked up at these trees that for several months now have been barren. They are beginning to show the signs of spring. As Jesus whispered to my heart once again.... I see you..... tears streamed down my face as the reality sunk in deep. The creator of those trees who commands them to bloom in the spring and strips them bare for winter sees me just where I am and reaches out to touch me anyway. He loves us that much. He loves us so much so that even though He knew ahead of time the times in our lives when we would turn our backs to Him and try to take our own paths, He would still CHOOSE to go to that cross and suffer in our place. He sees the deepest parts of us that we try to hide from the world and yet loves us still and reaches out to touch us even in our own filth. What a Savior we have in Jesus!!! 

My hope is that through this passage in Luke, that you walk away knowing that Jesus sees you. He sees the clean house that you spent all day on, He sees the hurt that runs deep that maybe you've carried around for far too long, He sees the sin that you need to repent of, He sees the broken parts of you and even though He sees it, He still wants to transform and touch your life because He loves you in a way that I believe, we will never be able to grasp this side of Heaven.

I Don't Care What You Have Done

My 19 year old self was an attention-seeking, party going, sex driven, self conscious, young woman running from the Lord as fast as I could go. Four to 5 nights a week I spent partying, drinking, and occasionally doing drugs. I wore as little clothes as I could and knew that attention from the male species came easily for me and I took full advantage. I was a regular at the local clubs, danced in a way that no one should have seen, and was obsessed with being as sexy as I could be. I won money at a local club in a bikini contest and I saw how easily my body, my looks and my sexuality could actually bring me more than just a second glance. I was on a path to complete destruction and it was only by the grace of God that I survived all those nights riding around drunk on back roads. Nothing fulfilled me, nothing gave me self worth, nothing ever seemed to be enough. I was in a rut. I appeared happy on the outside but mostly depressed on the inside. I hated being alone with my own thoughts and yet I would have never admitted that to anyone.
In November of 2002, David & I began talking on the phone every night for hours. We had met 2 1/2 years prior at the beach while I was on vacation with my family. We kept in touch by email but for the 6 months leading up to all those late night phone conversations, we had lost touch. Then by a divine appointment set by the maker of the universe, he had signed onto AOL instant messenger when I was on and sent me a message. That next day he called me and that began what would be the rest of our lives together. 
At first we didn't talk everyday but it didn't take long for it to become apart of my daily routine. One night our conversation was one that I will never forget. As with any relationship, we had the conversation where we aired our dirty laundry and shared what we had done in our past. David shared with me that he was sexually pure. He had never given himself so intimately to anyone and he wanted to wait for marriage. That should have made him even more appealing to me, but it didn't. Honestly, my heart sank. I knew that I wasn't good enough for him and that I had to let him go.
I hesitantly shared with him that not only was I not pure but that I had given myself to 4 other guys. I gave him a free ticket to drop out of my life and go find someone that I thought was more deserving. This alone was so out of character for me. I was used to getting what I wanted and thinking of myself first and everyone else second. But I saw David as goodness and deserving of someone truly great and that person couldn't be me.
The words that came out of David's mouth next completely altered the way I saw myself and brought healing in a way I never thought possible. David said to me, "I don't care what you have done." It was as if the God of Heaven and Earth spoke so deeply into my heart.
 I spent years running from the Lord. One sin led to another and soon I had told myself I had done too much to return to God. Wasn't I too far gone?? But I am convinced, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God himself placed those words into David's mouth and used him to bring healing. I realized that I wasn't a piece of used up trash, but a creation of the One who calms the sea and commands the cosmos. I was loved, cherished, liked and time with me was a desire of the heart of God even though He didn't need me.
As women, we are so hard on ourselves. Nailing ourselves to a cross over and over again instead of standing firm on the promise that our slates are wiped clean, our sin has been made white as snow. We have freedom that is only found in Christ. Galatians 5:1 tells us that "Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free..."
What are we saying to a lost world when we walk around chained to our past mistakes and beating ourselves up over and over again? We are saying that our God is not big enough, great enough, and sufficient enough. We are not showing the world the true God that shows  us grace and forgiveness and walks right into our own mess and rescues us from it.
 How do we live in that freedom? How do we see ourselves through the eyes of Christ and stop carrying around our yoke of slavery? We seek, we pursue, we get down on our knees everyday at the feet of our God who is sovereign over ALL things. We find our identity in Him by reading His love notes and promises to us in His word. When we start seeing the Bible as His letters to us instead of just a book of history, I believe, our desire to read it and feast on it grows gradually but noticeably every day. It's like the way a child grows from the moment of conception. Each day there are ever so slight changes but changes all the same that grow into bigger changes. Before we know it we can barely recognize that wrinkly little baby with no teeth and hardly any hair.
My relationship with the Lord is like a roller coaster. There are days that I fall back into guilt and don't see my worth in Him. I tend to forget that I am a new creation in Christ (2Corinthians 5:17) and that God desires time with me. When I came to Christ as a sinner, my sin was exchanged for Jesus' righteousness. I could not enter into the presence of the holy God as I was before my salvation......my old self had to die. The perfectness, purity, and righteousness of Jesus is a covering that I put on when I repented and accepted His gift of salvation. This gift, this cleansing, this re-birth is available to every one of us if we just accept it.
Cry out to Jesus and ask..... no beg.... Him to show you the freedom you have in Him and only Him! YOU can enter the very presence of the Holy God, YOU can have an intimate relationship with the maker of the galaxies and the complex human body your spirit resides in for a time. He loves you and He is in pursuit of you. Not because He needs you but because He wants you just as you are!!!!!!You are a treasure to Him, and that my friends causes me to tremble from deep within and draws me to my knees in submission to the One who holds the world in His hands.
I leave you with this scripture out of Hebrews that names Jesus as our high priest who allows us to enter into the very presence of God our father without shame and a conscious that is clean.

"And so, dear brothers and sisters, we can boldly enter heaven's Most Holy Place because of the blood of Jesus. By his death, Jesus opened a new and life-giving way through the curtain into the Most Holy Place. And since we have a great High Priest who rules over God's house, let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ's blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water. Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise." Hebrews 10:19-23 NLT

For more of my personal testimony, read my most read blog post here..... http://puttingmyyesonthetable.blogspot.com/2014/03/transformed.html

Dear Birthmom

Dear Birthmom,

I think about you everyday. I often wonder if you think about the son you chose to abandon. Do you think about him as much as I think about you? Do you wonder who is caring for him? Do you wonder what he looks like now and how much he has grown? Do you wonder if he looks like you? 

There are days that, honestly, I hate you. When I think about him laying outside that hospital alone, a 2 day old baby, I get so angry. How could you just leave him there? How could you just walk away from such a treasure, such a gift from God? 

But those days when I want to hate you, the Holy Spirit convicts my heart and reminds me that I'm no better than you and shows me the care you displayed. You left him outside of a hospital..... That right there should speak volumes that you were trying to give him what he needed even if that meant you had to give him up. You left him wearing the sweetest little yellow infant shirt and a bottle of milk. I imagine that just maybe you watched at a safe distance until someone found him. Did you cry for him? Deep down in my heart, I know you did. 

I pray for you regularly. I pray that God will send someone to tell you about Jesus and that you would accept His special gift of salvation. I tell your son about Jesus, I read Him stories from the Bible, and I fervently pray for His salvation. Because I believe in the power of prayer I just know that in God's timing he will come to know Jesus as His savior. I have even prayed that just maybe, God would call him back to China as a missionary to his own people. Maybe God will orchestrate it for you to meet one day by a divine appointment. Just maybe, it will be Samuel, as an adult that shares the gospel with you. I pray for that & if that's not God's will then I pray that one day you will meet in heaven. 

Can I tell you a little about your son........our son? He has the funniest and sweetest personality. He loves trains and cars and the only TV show he will actually watch is Thomas the Train. He loves to cuddle and give kisses and before he puckers for a kiss he will say "wuv you." When he is tired he puts his arm over his face and makes this funny noise with his mouth. He is a mommy's boy through and through. He wants to sit in my lap and for me to hold him almost constantly. He has the biggest smile.... So big his eyes disappear!! He is so smart! A couple of weeks ago I potty trained him and it only took him a week to pretty much get it down. He has a brother and a sister that just adore him. He fits right in....like he has always been with us. He is such a treasure and I cannot imagine my life without him in it! 

I am so grateful to you. You carried him in your womb and gave birth to him and chose to try to give him a better life. I refuse to believe that you just gave him up without a second thought. Your tragedy and heartache is my blessing and that makes me feel so guilty and sad for you. Do you know who understands your sacrifice better than anyone else?? God our father! He gave up his son too and He did it for YOU! He did it so that you would have a chance to live eternally with Him in heaven! He loves you more than you could ever imagine and I pray that if you don't known Him yet that you will one day! 

You and I, we share something very special and unique. We share a son. You birthed him and I parent him for as long as God allows me to. I wonder if you could peer into our lives, would you be happy with the way I parent him? Would you think your choice was the right one? I hope so! I hope that one day we are able to meet. Until then, I will continue to pray for you, and although it still takes work some days, I will give you grace and choose to believe you did the most selfless thing a mother could do! 

In Christ, 

Angela 

Samuel's other mom

Adoption: The Aftermath

Amongst the international adoption community it's a common response when people ask why you chose international adoption to respond with a simple, "Because that's where my son/daughter was." That response never seemed so true until after we got Samuel. I can tell you that there is no doubt in my mind that he was meant to be with us.
To be completely transparent, I worried that I would have a hard time loving him. I worried that I would see him differently as I do my bio kids. But, because I worried I prayed and pleaded with God on a daily basis to help me love him the way He loves him.
The moment I saw Samuel God opened my heart and flamed my motherly instincts. He was mine and I knew it just like I knew Austin & Alexa were mine the second I laid eyes on them after they were born. My instincts to protect him, cuddle him, kiss on him, take care of him, and die for him were all present. For the first time I truly understood that God led us to China because that's where our son was.
It is so humbling to think that when God knit Samuel together in his birth mother's womb that He created him with us in mind. He knew He would join our family one day. God places families together and He took us halfway around the world in a foreign country with wonderful people from all over the U.S. to grow our family the way He intended.
We witnessed first hand 11 families being joined together by adoption and it was beautiful. Not only could I see how God made Samuel for us but I witnessed how God made 10 other children with their adoptive families in mind. I saw how they just fit together.
Adoption is more beautiful and wonderful than I ever thought prior to being on this side of it and I yearn for other people to experience this. I know not every family is called to adopt but for every families sake, I wish you all were. There are hard parts along the way but that's what makes it so awesome in the end!! To look back and see how long we waited, how hard we worked, and how much money we raised. But the end result was more than worth it all!!!!
Through this whole process I have learned so much about God. I learned to trust Him more, love him deeper, and I've experienced numerous answered prayers. I've seen what He was doing behind the scenes (after the fact of course) and marveled at what He would do right in front of my face.
I still look at Samuel and I just can't believe he is really mine. He is so amazing! His smile can light up a room and his happy personality can lift my spirits. Sometimes he just puckers up to give me a big kiss and says, "love you." I am so humbled to be his mommy and to be able to watch him slowly learn to love us and feel like he belongs. I often still look at him and just weep...... tears of pure joy and amazement!
So adoption has changed our lives and rocked our world.... where do we go from here? Our hearts are forever changed and we can no longer ignore the orphan crisis. We have seen and know too much. Soooo..... we are in the process of becoming an approved foster home. I haven't made it completely public because I didn't want it to seem like this is about us. But my story and what God is doing in and through me is about Him and giving Him glory!  It is because of Him that we choose this path. It is because of Him changing me from the inside out and helping me die to myself every single day. I am no super mom. There is absolutely nothing special about me other than everyday I am committed to getting out of His way and have accepted His invitation to be apart of Him changing lives through the gospel. Sometimes (today even) I feel so inadequate. But He led me to the story of the prostitute, Rahab, in the book of Joshua and I am reminded that He can use ANYBODY! Rahab, a prostitute from an enemy nation of Israel and yet she is in the lineage of Jesus, the mother of Boaz. She had faith in the one true God and risk her life to follow Him.
Five years ago this definitely would not be happening. Heck even a year ago! We have been scared of foster care. Honestly, we still are. The thought of getting attached to a child only to lose them or see them go back to a bad situation makes me very anxious. I feel like we are walking into this knowing there is heartache ahead of us. But God brought me on my face before Him and challenged me. Do I really know what it means to live like Jesus? Praise the Lord that He didn't turn us away and not seek to redeem us just because He knew we would break His heart. If God can sacrifice His own son on that cross (can you imagine His heartache??) then I can allow my heart to be broken all for His glory and His kingdom. These are His children and He will allow them to be in our lives for as long as He wants them to be. Maybe the time these kids are with us is the only time they will hear about Jesus. Maybe that's the only reason He brings them to us temporarily. Maybe we will get the opportunity to mentor and pour into the parent's lives. Maybe He will allow us to adopt again. We don't know exactly what's ahead, but we do know and rest in the fact that God is completely sovereign over all things and that when our hearts get broken, He will be there to comfort us and mend us back together.
It is not lost to us that as our friends and family we are asking you to lay your hearts on the line with us. We know that you may very well get attached to these children just as we will and that some of them will only stay for a while. We are praying for you and your hearts as well as our own. But will you put your hearts on the line with us in the name of Jesus?! Will you trust that He has a plan for them and that plan may not include us permanently? 
Thank you for always supporting us and encouraging us!

"Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but him who sent me."  Mark 9:37

 

Dear Samuel

My Dearest Samuel,

Tomorrow morning we leave for China to come get you and bring you home. We have waited and dreamed of this day for so long. It doesn't seem real that the time has finally come.
My emotions are all over the place. I'm excited to finally meet you and hold you in my arms. I'm scared because we are strangers to you and I'm worried you may not like us very much at first. I'm sad for you as you say goodbye to all you've known and leave it behind. My heart is torn as I leave your brother and sister behind for a time. But I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful because you will never live another day without an earthly father and mother and probably for the first time you will hear the name Jesus. I'm hopeful that one day you will come to know the Lord as your savior as I do.
One day you may wonder why and possibly morn the fact that your birth parents chose to not parent you. But I want you to know and always remember that you are loved, you were chosen, you are special, you are cherished, and you are right where you were always meant to be. I may not have carried you in my tummy but I have carried you in my heart for years. One day when God allows you to understand you will see how adoption represents the gospel and how we were all orphans and sought after. I have already been praying for your salvation and I won't stop until God calls you to Himself.
I promise to always love you. I promise to put you before myself. I promise to always pray for you. I promise to make you feel safe and cherished. I promise to cuddle you and wipe away your tears. I promise to always be there for you. Most importantly.... I promise to tell you all about Jesus and how you were carefully made and your path in life was known before you were born.
So as we begin our journey tomorrow half way around the world to you, I will continue to pray for your heart and for your nannies at the orphanage that you will say goodbye to. I will be praying that eventually you love us and see us as your parents. I can't wait for the day that you call me Mama and tell me that you love me. But I understand that may take time and I promise to be patient. I will see you very soon my son! Until then my heart will continue to yearn for you!

I love you,

Your Mama