Weighing the Cost

Luke 9:57-62 ESV

The Cost of Following Jesus 

57 As they were going along the road, someone said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” 58 And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head."

 In Matthew's account it tells us that this man that asked to follow Jesus was a scribe. Jesus did not deny that the man could follow Him. Rather He let him know what it would cost him. In other words, Jesus was saying that you may have to give up what the world deems as necessity. 

Have you ever heard accounts of Christians in highly persecuted areas? They meet secretly, in small rooms, with dirt floors, and without heat and air. They do not have Awana to take their kids to. They do not have a a dozen Bible studies to choose from. They do not sit in comfortable pews. They do not have organized accountability groups. They do not log their attendance into a computer. They often times do not even own a full Bible. I wonder.... If everything that we see as necessities to follow Jesus were stripped away who would be left standing, faithful to the Lord no matter what comforts they lacked? Nothing is wrong with any of that stuff, but if that's all that keeps us supposedly following Jesus then we do not know what it truly means to surrender our lives to Him.  

59 To another he said, “Follow me.” But he said, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.” 60 And Jesus[a] said to him, “Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” 

The first time I ever read that scripture I remember thinking, "Yikes.... That's harsh!" I was reading commentary by John MacArthur on this and this is what he said, "the phrase, 'I must bury my father' was a common figure of speech meaning, 'Let me wait until I receive my inheritance.'" If you read that scripture now with that in mind it seems a lot less harsh. It actually seems pretty selfish on this man's part. When it is convenient to him, then he will follow Jesus. 

Let's put that into context for today........ 

"Let me wait until I make more money.... Then I'll adopt."

"Let me wait until I get a raise.... Then I'll tithe." 

"Let me wait until I find the 'perfect one'.... Then I'll join a church." 

"Let me wait until I know the Bible better...... Then I'll share the gospel." 

Let's call them what they are.... Excuses! And we have all had them and I believe at one time or another I have said every one of those. Jesus does not want you to 'wait.' He wants you fully committed now. Don't 'wait' until it's too late! 

61 Yet another said, “I will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home.” 62 Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.”

It's not that Jesus is saying He doesn't want this man to say goodbye to his family. Jesus knows that if he goes home he will not return. Have you ever had anyone come against something you want to do and try and talk you out of it? We had this happen a lot with our decision to adopt. Even complete strangers would give us their opinions. If we weren't standing firm in our decision and believed with all our hearts it's what we were called to do, we would have easily been persuaded to not do it. I'm not saying to not accept good, Godly counsel on major decisions but anytime you do something radical, especially follow Jesus, the world looks at that and just can't understand it. 

Also, it's hard to be committed to what's in front of you if you keep looking back. Jesus redeemed us and wiped our slates clean. It's us who have trouble letting go and using it for His glory rather than wearing it on our sleeves and living in continuous guilt. If you are down trodden and depressed over sins of the past how is anyone supposed to believe the gospel when we share it with them? We tell people Jesus can forgive us of our sins but we can't forgive ourselves.

In all 3 of these examples, Jesus knew the hearts of these men and He knew they were not committed and would not surrender their lives to Him! Have you weighed the cost of following Him? From experience I can tell you, He is absolutely worth it!

FREE

Lately I have been in Luke and have focused my posts on that. But in Austin's daily Bible time we are in 2 Kings and that's where today's post is going to come from. I hope you see Jesus in today's passage as much as I did. It may be a little long but bear with me. It's a beautiful passage and one that has much more to it than what I've written. So I encourage you to study it and dig deep. There is so much goodness here.  

2 Kings 5:1-14

Naaman Healed of Leprosy 

Part 1

  Naaman, commander of the army of the king of Syria, was a great man with his master and in high favor, because by him the Lord had given victory to Syria. He was a mighty man of valor, but he was a leper.^{[a] 2} Now the Syrians on one of their raids had carried off a little girl from the land of Israel, and she worked in the service of Naaman's wife. ³ She said to her mistress, “Would that my lord were with the prophet who is in Samaria! He would cure him of his leprosy.” ⁴ So Naaman went in and told his lord, “Thus and so spoke the girl from the land of Israel.” ⁵ And the king of Syria said, “Go now, and I will send a letter to the king of Israel.”

So he went, taking with him ten talents of silver, six thousand shekels^[b] of gold, and ten changes of clothing. ⁶ And he brought the letter to the king of Israel, which read, “When this letter reaches you, know that I have sent to you Naaman my servant, that you may cure him of his leprosy.” ⁷ And when the king of Israel read the letter, he tore his clothes and said, “Am I God, to kill and to make alive, that this man sends word to me to cure a man of his leprosy? Only consider, and see how he is seeking a quarrel with me.”
⁸ But when Elisha the man of God heard that the king of Israel had torn his clothes, he sent to the king, saying, “Why have you torn your clothes? Let him come now to me, that he may know that there is a prophet in Israel.” ⁹ So Naaman came with his horses and chariots and stood at the door of Elisha's house. ¹⁰ And Elisha sent a messenger to him, saying, “Go and wash in the Jordan seven times, and your flesh shall be restored, and you shall be clean.” ¹¹ But Naaman was angry and went away, saying, “Behold, I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call upon the name of the Lord his God, and wave his hand over the place and cure the leper. ¹² Are not Abana^[c] and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? Could I not wash in them and be clean?” So he turned and went away in a rage. ¹³ But his servants came near and said to him, “My father, it is a great word the prophet has spoken to you; will you not do it? Has he actually said to you, ‘Wash, and be clean’?” ¹⁴ So he went down and dipped himself seven times in the Jordan, according to the word of the man of God, and his flesh was restored like the flesh of a little child, and he was clean.

It verse 1 it introduces us to a man named Naaman. Naaman is from Syria which is an enemy of Israel and he has leprosy (or a skin disease as other translations call it). For sake of our passage I looked up the definition of leprosy from the World Health Organization. It says, "Leprosy is a chronic infectious disease caused by Mycobacterium leprae, an acid-fast, rod-shaped bacillus. The disease mainly affects the skin, the peripheral nerves, mucosa of the upper respiratory tract and also the eyes. Leprosy is curable and treatment provided in the early stages averts disability." That definition helps us to make some comparisons.

Do you know who I think Naaman represents in this passage...... Us. He is a foreigner to God, he has a disease that is terrible but can in fact be cured, and this disease he has affects his eyes. Our disease is sin and it effects our spiritual eyes. It blinds us to the truth of scripture and the revelation of God. James 4:4 says that to "be a friend of the world" makes us "an enemy of God."  Prior to accepting God's gift of salvation, we, like Naaman were enemies to God. But, the greatest news is that our disease is also curable.

In verse 2 we are told that an Israelite girl is taken captive and becomes the servant of Naaman's wife. Now, if someone took you against your will and made you a slave would you give them the key to curing their disease? I know I wouldn't, but not this girl. She tells Naaman to go and see a prophet (Elisha) in Israel and that he could heal him. In Luke 6 verse 27, Jesus tells us to "love your enemies." This girl was definitely living that command out before Jesus even spoke it. Jesus was the ultimate example when he went on that cross and died a terrible death for the very people that nailed him to it and spat in his face. Talk about loving your enemies!!

As you read in the scripture, Naaman makes his way to the door step of Elisha (the prophet of Israel) and Elisha sends out a messenger to give him the key to healing him of leprosy. I found this very interesting and strikingly familiar. When we put our faith in Christ, it's not because we see him with our physical eyes. It's because we have faith in what is unseen and God chooses to use messengers to spread the Good News of the gospel just as Elisha used a messenger.  

So what does Elisha tell Naaman to do to cure his skin disease? He pretty much tells him to go take a bath in the Jordan seven times. Seems simple enough to me. So simple in fact, it makes Naaman very angry. Naaman expected a big show and for Elisha to show him personal  attention. Naaman was seen as a "a great man" and in "high favor" in Syria so I am sure he was used to being catered to. Don't we do the same though? We expect God to just reach down from Heaven and for some great show to happen and a grand emotional experience. Do you know your emotions can be very deceptive and that they come and go like a roller coaster ride (especially for us women)? Following Jesus isn't always an emotional high and scripture tells us in Jeremiah 17:9 that the "heart is deceitful above all." We can't just let our hearts and emotions be our guide. They need to line up with scripture. 

The simplicity of what would cure Naaman reminds me so much of the gospel. The gospel is so simple. But we try our best to complicate it. We were born sinners and someone had to pay for our wrong doing. Would you want a murderer to walk out of court a free man? I doubt it. I think we all would say that he needed to go to jail and pay for what he did. How could God be a perfect, Holy God if he just let us sin and no one had to pay the price? God takes every sin very seriously and so should we.

So who paid the debt for our sin? Who took on our punishment? That person was God in the flesh....Jesus. He had to live a perfect, sinless life in order to be the perfect sacrifice. He died a sinners death on that cross so that our debt was paid and we could have a relationship with the creator of the universe. All we have to do is to confess our sins before God and accept the gift of salvation. It is so simple we can hardly grasp it. Our salvation is ours free and clear and there is nothing we need to do to earn it.  

Naaman's servant then came to him and in verse 13 says, "My father, it is a great word the prophet has spoken to you; will you not do it?" In other words, why not at least try it? What if it worked? So Naaman did as Elisha told him and he was healed..... transformed.... made new. If you read on in verse 15, Naaman makes a profession of faith. Not only is he changed on the outside but he has also had his heart radically transformed. Naaman tries to give Elisha gifts but Elisha will not accept them. Our gift of salvation from God does not require payment from us. There are very few things in life that are free. But eternity in Heaven is. You have an opportunity to be healed of your disease. You can be made new and transformed by the power of the cross. All you have to do is cry out to God in repentance of your sin and simply ask him to save you. Will you not do it? Where will your eternity be spent? We are not promised tomorrow. Don't waste another minute not knowing. 

A Crazy, Naked Man

Luke 8:26-39 ESV

Jesus Heals a Man with a Demon

²⁶ Then they sailed to the country of the Gerasenes, which is opposite Galilee. ²⁷ When Jesus had stepped out on land, there met him a man from the city who had demons. For a long time he had worn no clothes, and he had not lived in a house but among the tombs. ²⁸ When he saw Jesus, he cried out and fell down before him and said with a loud voice, “What have you to do with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I beg you, do not torment me.” ²⁹ For he had commanded the unclean spirit to come out of the man. (For many a time it had seized him. He was kept under guard and bound with chains and shackles, but he would break the bonds and be driven by the demon into the desert.) ³⁰ Jesus then asked him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Legion,” for many demons had entered him. ³¹ And they begged him not to command them to depart into the abyss. ³² Now a large herd of pigs was feeding there on the hillside, and they begged him to let them enter these. So he gave them permission. ³³ Then the demons came out of the man and entered the pigs, and the herd rushed down the steep bank into the lake and drowned.
³⁴ When the herdsmen saw what had happened, they fled and told it in the city and in the country. ³⁵ Then people went out to see what had happened, and they came to Jesus and found the man from whom the demons had gone, sitting at the feet of Jesus, clothed and in his right mind, and they were afraid. ³⁶ And those who had seen it told them how the demon-possessed man had been healed. ³⁷ Then all the people of the surrounding country of the Gerasenes asked him to depart from them, for they were seized with great fear. So he got into the boat and returned. ³⁸ The man from whom the demons had gone begged that he might be with him, but Jesus sent him away, saying, ³⁹ “Return to your home, and declare how much God has done for you.” And he went away, proclaiming throughout the whole city how much Jesus had done for him.


Picture this with me.... Jesus has just calmed the raging storm in verses 22-25 (I imagine the disciples are still a little frazzled) and He steps out of the boat in a seemingly Gentile country with about 2,000 "unclean" pigs running around, and a naked, crazy man who lives in a cemetery. I would imagine the disciples were not very comfortable with the situation Jesus had brought them into. But Jesus does not call us to be comfortable!

So, there is this naked, demon possessed man who immediately recognizes Jesus and falls down at His feet and begs for mercy. When Jesus asked his name, the man said, "Legion." Legion means great number and the fact that in Mark we are told there were 2,000 pigs that Jesus cast the demons into, that gives us a pretty good idea how many demons possessed this man.   

What do the pigs do when these demons enter them? They committed suicide by running down the hill into the lake and drowning. I think that is a good indicator how miserable it must have been for this man to be possessed by all those demons. My mind can't seem to comprehend it. Can you imagine though how joyful he must have been to finally be free from that bondage?

The herdsmen run to spread the word about what just happened and people from the city and country come out to see for themselves what is going on. What they find is a beautiful picture of redemption and transformation. This man, who for a long time was naked, living in a cemetery and seemingly crazy was sitting at the feet of Jesus, fully clothed, and completely sane. That my friends is the gospel!! When you accept Jesus as your Savior you are clothed in His righteousness and transformed from the inside out. God looks at you and sees Jesus. All your sins, past, present, and future are wiped clean. You are a new creation!

After what Jesus had done for this man, the man begs to go with Him. But in verse 39, Jesus says, "Return to your home, and declare how much God has done for you" and in the last part of the verse it says the man "went away, proclaiming throughout the whole city how much Jesus had done for him." Jesus had made such an impact on this man's life, he couldn't help but go and tell people about it. Who better to know first hand his transformation than those who he had lived among probably most if not all of his life. Are some people called to cross an ocean and move to a foreign land to share the gospel.....Absolutely!! Some are also called to stay where they are for now and proclaim the gospel there. This passage is very convicting for me! Am I proclaiming to the world the transformation Jesus has done in my life?

The point is this..... it's not a matter of where geographically God has placed you. What matters most is, are you telling people what Jesus has done for you where He has you right now? Is your life a reflection of a true transformation? If there is no evidence of transformation you have to ask yourself, 'Do I have a relationship with Jesus Christ at all?' This relationship isn't achieved by works but by faith and grace that is freely offered to you. Ephesians 3:8 says, "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God." Being fruitful and living a life that looks radically different to the world will come all on its own if your experiencing Jesus and abiding in him. Do you truly know Him? If you died today are you 100% certain that you will go to Heaven? Too much is at stake to not be sure!!! 

Temptation

Luke 4:1-13 ESV

The Temptation of Jesus

 And Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the wilderness ² for forty days, being tempted by the devil. And he ate nothing during those days. And when they were ended, he was hungry. ³ The devil said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command this stone to become bread.” ⁴ And Jesus answered him, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone.’” ⁵ And the devil took him up and showed him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time, ⁶ and said to him, “To you I will give all this authority and their glory, for it has been delivered to me, and I give it to whom I will. ⁷ If you, then, will worship me, it will all be yours.” ⁸ And Jesus answered him, “It is written,

“‘You shall worship the Lord your God,
    and him only shall you serve.’”

⁹ And he took him to Jerusalem and set him on the pinnacle of the temple and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down from here, ¹⁰ for it is written,

“‘He will command his angels concerning you,
    to guard you,’

¹¹ and

“‘On their hands they will bear you up,
    lest you strike your foot against a stone.’”

¹² And Jesus answered him, “It is said, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’” ¹³ And when the devil had ended every temptation, he departed from him until an opportune time.

Just before the temptation of Jesus takes place, Jesus was baptized by John the baptist. Jesus identified with us through baptism and through temptation. Hebrews chapter 4 verse 15 states, "For we do not have a high priest (Jesus) who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin." We face the same temptations Jesus did in chapter 4 of Luke. The difference is, many times we give in to those temptations and Jesus resisted them every time. There is a lot to learn in this section of scripture. Satan is on the prowl and he knows our weaknesses. But he can't make us do anything. He is not all powerful like our Lord Jesus is. 

Before we talk about the 3 temptations listed, notice verse 2 says "for forty days, being tempted by the devil." That verse makes it evident that for the entire 40 days that Jesus was in the wilderness fasting that He was fighting off the temptations of the devil. In this chapter of Luke we are given only 3 specific temptations.

In verses 3-4 of Luke 4, Jesus faces temptation #1. Keep in mind here that Jesus has not eaten in almost 6 weeks. The temptation to use His divine power for His own purpose and feed His hungry belly must have been stronger than any temptation I have faced. Have you ever taken matters into your own hands and tried to provide for yourself instead of letting God do it?  John Hamby, a pastor from Arkansas,  said, "We regularly are tempted to go outside the confines of God’s will to satisfy our personal needs or desires. We often promote ourselves because we are sure that God will not do it. We scheme and we plan for our well-being, because we assume that God does not care or maybe does not know about our needs."

Jesus' response to this temptation was scripture. He not only knew the Word but He lived by it. What is the point in knowing the Bible if we do not model our lives after it? The Pharisees were known throughout the new testament for knowing the scriptures by heart. Yet their lives did not reflect the heart of God. If someone from your work is surprised to hear that you go to church or that your a christian, I believe, that's a problem and probably a good indicator that what you've read in the Bible your not living out. Jesus should literally be bursting out of us. If He isn't, maybe you need to ask yourself if you know Him at all. I'm not trying to ruffle anyone's feathers (although the truth of God does that a lot of times) or make you question your salvation but there was a time that I wasn't sure if I really knew Him at all. So I know what it's like to be in that place and the only way to fix it is to cry out to God, confess your sins, and by faith ask Him for forgiveness. Do not go another day questioning it. Too much is at stake for you not to be certain.

Temptation #2 is revealed in verses 5-8. The devil offers Jesus a kingdom. A kingdom that will be His minus the cross. If Jesus had fallen into any of these temptations, the results would have been catastrophic for us. But this one for me seems like the devil is testing Jesus' love for us more so than the others. Why suffer and die on a cross for the world when you can have a kingdom right here and now? The world is constantly putting it into our heads that we need to avoid sacrifice. We need to choose the easy path. We need to be comfortable. Why stayed married when the going gets tough? Just get divorced and find someone else. Why give till it hurts when that could be a brand new car payment? The result of the supposed "easy road" is that children all over the world are suffering because of a broken family. Americans particularly are in so much debt we are drowning in it. All for the latest and greatest and to keep up with the Jones'.  Praise God that Jesus chose to suffer and sacrifice himself for us. 

In verses 9-11 we read about temptation #3. Satan takes Jesus to the roof of the temple with a 450 foot drop and challenges Him using none other than scripture. My husband, David, has been really focusing on memorizing scripture recently. The other day he said to me, "If Satan knew scripture, shouldn't we?" Well, isn't that convicting and oh so true? The devil, using scripture, was tempting Jesus to put God to the test. These 40 days in the wilderness marks the beginning of Jesus' ministry. To start His ministry by dramatically jumping from the temple roof, where everyone would have seen it, would have been against the will of God. Immediately it would have been revealed to the people that Jesus was the Messiah. We all tempt God whether we want to call it that or not. 

Satan tried to distract Jesus from the mission He was sent to earth to complete and He tried to put a wedge between Jesus and God the father. Jesus defeated Satan every single time. In verse 13 it says that the devil departed from Jesus until "an opportune time." Satan continued throughout Jesus' ministry to tempt him. In the wilderness, Jesus resisted all of the devil's temptations. But that did not stop him. The devil is persistent and if you resist him once he will come at you from a different angle. It is impossible to fight the devil off without an abiding relationship with Jesus Christ that includes prayer and time in the Bible. We need to be so filled up with Christ that there is no room for Satan to distract us. 

So put on your armor (Ephesians 5:10-20) because there is a spiritual battle being waged and if you are abiding in Jesus, you are under attack by the enemy.

  

The Crooked Woman

^{Luke 13:10-17 ESV}

^{A Woman with a Disabling Spirit}

¹⁰ Now he (Jesus) was teaching in one of the synagogues on the Sabbath. ¹¹ And behold, there was a woman who had had a disabling spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not fully straighten herself. ¹² When Jesus saw her, he called her over and said to her, “Woman, you are freed from your disability.” ¹³ And he laid his hands on her, and immediately she was made straight, and she glorified God. ¹⁴ But the ruler of the synagogue, indignant because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath, said to the people, “There are six days in which work ought to be done. Come on those days and be healed, and not on the Sabbath day.” ¹⁵ Then the Lord answered him, “You hypocrites! Does not each of you on the Sabbath untie his ox or his donkey from the manger and lead it away to water it? ¹⁶ And ought not this woman, a daughter of Abraham whom Satan bound for eighteen years, be loosed from this bond on the Sabbath day?” ¹⁷ As he said these things, all his adversaries were put to shame, and all the people rejoiced at all the glorious things that were done by him.

My intention was to start a blog series of devotionals with more of a Bible study feel to them.... you know more meat and potatoes type stuff. I had planned to start in chapter 1 of the book of Luke just because that's what book I'm studying right now. But last week this passage in Luke 13 captivated me and the Lord has brought it to my mind everyday since. So, I would like to promise you that I'm going to post a devotional type post for women everyday but lets be honest, I'm a homeschool mom of 3 and sometimes it just may not get done. But I do plan on posting as the Lord lays things on my heart and hopefully it will turn into an everyday source for women looking for guidance during their daily quiet times or in addition to. 

So when I read this passage last week, there were 3 words that jumped off the page at me and they were, "Jesus saw her." Have you ever felt looked over, put on the back burner, forgotten, unimportant or unappreciated? As women we live here on a daily basis. Another woman walks in the room that we see as better than us, prettier than us, or more put together and there we are..... feeling overshadowed and overlooked. I believe the root of those feelings stem from pride most times, but that's a lesson for another day. My point today is this, no matter how you feel..... Jesus sees you and He thinks your important enough to die for you. You aren't forgotten. You were on His mind as they drove the nails through his feet and hands. Jesus saw you that day and He has seen every day, every minute, and every second since. 

This no-name woman in this passage spent 18 years bent over and couldn't stand up straight. I refer to her as "the crooked woman." Just stand up for a second and bend over and try to raise your head and look at the ceiling. Its quite a strain on the neck and that's assuming she was even able to bend her neck to raise her head up at all. Here is my point, she could barely look into the face of the person standing before her. For 18 years she spent everyday looking down at the ground. Talk about feeling unimportant and forgotten. But Jesus saw her, called her, and touched her. At the very sound of His voice, the crooked is made straight. On the surface this passage seems to just be about Jesus healing a woman of a physical ailment that was caused by an evil spirit. But I believe this passage is supposed to show us more about this woman's heart and Jesus transforming her from the inside out. The crooked is made straight!

As you read the rest of the passage it is evident that Jesus has ruffled the feathers of this synagogue ruler. This guy was more concerned with the "rules" they had assigned to the Sabbath day than he was for people. Religious law trumped one of the 2 greatest commandments we are given...... To love others as we love ourselves (Matt. 22:37-40). He put rules, religion, and law over people. The very people we are told to love and that Christ hung on that cross for. Jesus says in Matthew 22 to depend all of the law on the 2 greatest commandments..... to love the Lord and to love others. Can you imagine how things would change if everything we did stemmed from those 2? 

Today, I laid out in my hammock in the backyard facing the back where all the trees are. I looked up at these trees that for several months now have been barren. They are beginning to show the signs of spring. As Jesus whispered to my heart once again.... I see you..... tears streamed down my face as the reality sunk in deep. The creator of those trees who commands them to bloom in the spring and strips them bare for winter sees me just where I am and reaches out to touch me anyway. He loves us that much. He loves us so much so that even though He knew ahead of time the times in our lives when we would turn our backs to Him and try to take our own paths, He would still CHOOSE to go to that cross and suffer in our place. He sees the deepest parts of us that we try to hide from the world and yet loves us still and reaches out to touch us even in our own filth. What a Savior we have in Jesus!!! 

My hope is that through this passage in Luke, that you walk away knowing that Jesus sees you. He sees the clean house that you spent all day on, He sees the hurt that runs deep that maybe you've carried around for far too long, He sees the sin that you need to repent of, He sees the broken parts of you and even though He sees it, He still wants to transform and touch your life because He loves you in a way that I believe, we will never be able to grasp this side of Heaven.

I Don't Care What You Have Done

My 19 year old self was an attention-seeking, party going, sex driven, self conscious, young woman running from the Lord as fast as I could go. Four to 5 nights a week I spent partying, drinking, and occasionally doing drugs. I wore as little clothes as I could and knew that attention from the male species came easily for me and I took full advantage. I was a regular at the local clubs, danced in a way that no one should have seen, and was obsessed with being as sexy as I could be. I won money at a local club in a bikini contest and I saw how easily my body, my looks and my sexuality could actually bring me more than just a second glance. I was on a path to complete destruction and it was only by the grace of God that I survived all those nights riding around drunk on back roads. Nothing fulfilled me, nothing gave me self worth, nothing ever seemed to be enough. I was in a rut. I appeared happy on the outside but mostly depressed on the inside. I hated being alone with my own thoughts and yet I would have never admitted that to anyone.
In November of 2002, David & I began talking on the phone every night for hours. We had met 2 1/2 years prior at the beach while I was on vacation with my family. We kept in touch by email but for the 6 months leading up to all those late night phone conversations, we had lost touch. Then by a divine appointment set by the maker of the universe, he had signed onto AOL instant messenger when I was on and sent me a message. That next day he called me and that began what would be the rest of our lives together. 
At first we didn't talk everyday but it didn't take long for it to become apart of my daily routine. One night our conversation was one that I will never forget. As with any relationship, we had the conversation where we aired our dirty laundry and shared what we had done in our past. David shared with me that he was sexually pure. He had never given himself so intimately to anyone and he wanted to wait for marriage. That should have made him even more appealing to me, but it didn't. Honestly, my heart sank. I knew that I wasn't good enough for him and that I had to let him go.
I hesitantly shared with him that not only was I not pure but that I had given myself to 4 other guys. I gave him a free ticket to drop out of my life and go find someone that I thought was more deserving. This alone was so out of character for me. I was used to getting what I wanted and thinking of myself first and everyone else second. But I saw David as goodness and deserving of someone truly great and that person couldn't be me.
The words that came out of David's mouth next completely altered the way I saw myself and brought healing in a way I never thought possible. David said to me, "I don't care what you have done." It was as if the God of Heaven and Earth spoke so deeply into my heart.
 I spent years running from the Lord. One sin led to another and soon I had told myself I had done too much to return to God. Wasn't I too far gone?? But I am convinced, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God himself placed those words into David's mouth and used him to bring healing. I realized that I wasn't a piece of used up trash, but a creation of the One who calms the sea and commands the cosmos. I was loved, cherished, liked and time with me was a desire of the heart of God even though He didn't need me.
As women, we are so hard on ourselves. Nailing ourselves to a cross over and over again instead of standing firm on the promise that our slates are wiped clean, our sin has been made white as snow. We have freedom that is only found in Christ. Galatians 5:1 tells us that "Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free..."
What are we saying to a lost world when we walk around chained to our past mistakes and beating ourselves up over and over again? We are saying that our God is not big enough, great enough, and sufficient enough. We are not showing the world the true God that shows  us grace and forgiveness and walks right into our own mess and rescues us from it.
 How do we live in that freedom? How do we see ourselves through the eyes of Christ and stop carrying around our yoke of slavery? We seek, we pursue, we get down on our knees everyday at the feet of our God who is sovereign over ALL things. We find our identity in Him by reading His love notes and promises to us in His word. When we start seeing the Bible as His letters to us instead of just a book of history, I believe, our desire to read it and feast on it grows gradually but noticeably every day. It's like the way a child grows from the moment of conception. Each day there are ever so slight changes but changes all the same that grow into bigger changes. Before we know it we can barely recognize that wrinkly little baby with no teeth and hardly any hair.
My relationship with the Lord is like a roller coaster. There are days that I fall back into guilt and don't see my worth in Him. I tend to forget that I am a new creation in Christ (2Corinthians 5:17) and that God desires time with me. When I came to Christ as a sinner, my sin was exchanged for Jesus' righteousness. I could not enter into the presence of the holy God as I was before my salvation......my old self had to die. The perfectness, purity, and righteousness of Jesus is a covering that I put on when I repented and accepted His gift of salvation. This gift, this cleansing, this re-birth is available to every one of us if we just accept it.
Cry out to Jesus and ask..... no beg.... Him to show you the freedom you have in Him and only Him! YOU can enter the very presence of the Holy God, YOU can have an intimate relationship with the maker of the galaxies and the complex human body your spirit resides in for a time. He loves you and He is in pursuit of you. Not because He needs you but because He wants you just as you are!!!!!!You are a treasure to Him, and that my friends causes me to tremble from deep within and draws me to my knees in submission to the One who holds the world in His hands.
I leave you with this scripture out of Hebrews that names Jesus as our high priest who allows us to enter into the very presence of God our father without shame and a conscious that is clean.

"And so, dear brothers and sisters, we can boldly enter heaven's Most Holy Place because of the blood of Jesus. By his death, Jesus opened a new and life-giving way through the curtain into the Most Holy Place. And since we have a great High Priest who rules over God's house, let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ's blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water. Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise." Hebrews 10:19-23 NLT

For more of my personal testimony, read my most read blog post here..... http://puttingmyyesonthetable.blogspot.com/2014/03/transformed.html

Dear Birthmom

Dear Birthmom,

I think about you everyday. I often wonder if you think about the son you chose to abandon. Do you think about him as much as I think about you? Do you wonder who is caring for him? Do you wonder what he looks like now and how much he has grown? Do you wonder if he looks like you? 

There are days that, honestly, I hate you. When I think about him laying outside that hospital alone, a 2 day old baby, I get so angry. How could you just leave him there? How could you just walk away from such a treasure, such a gift from God? 

But those days when I want to hate you, the Holy Spirit convicts my heart and reminds me that I'm no better than you and shows me the care you displayed. You left him outside of a hospital..... That right there should speak volumes that you were trying to give him what he needed even if that meant you had to give him up. You left him wearing the sweetest little yellow infant shirt and a bottle of milk. I imagine that just maybe you watched at a safe distance until someone found him. Did you cry for him? Deep down in my heart, I know you did. 

I pray for you regularly. I pray that God will send someone to tell you about Jesus and that you would accept His special gift of salvation. I tell your son about Jesus, I read Him stories from the Bible, and I fervently pray for His salvation. Because I believe in the power of prayer I just know that in God's timing he will come to know Jesus as His savior. I have even prayed that just maybe, God would call him back to China as a missionary to his own people. Maybe God will orchestrate it for you to meet one day by a divine appointment. Just maybe, it will be Samuel, as an adult that shares the gospel with you. I pray for that & if that's not God's will then I pray that one day you will meet in heaven. 

Can I tell you a little about your son........our son? He has the funniest and sweetest personality. He loves trains and cars and the only TV show he will actually watch is Thomas the Train. He loves to cuddle and give kisses and before he puckers for a kiss he will say "wuv you." When he is tired he puts his arm over his face and makes this funny noise with his mouth. He is a mommy's boy through and through. He wants to sit in my lap and for me to hold him almost constantly. He has the biggest smile.... So big his eyes disappear!! He is so smart! A couple of weeks ago I potty trained him and it only took him a week to pretty much get it down. He has a brother and a sister that just adore him. He fits right in....like he has always been with us. He is such a treasure and I cannot imagine my life without him in it! 

I am so grateful to you. You carried him in your womb and gave birth to him and chose to try to give him a better life. I refuse to believe that you just gave him up without a second thought. Your tragedy and heartache is my blessing and that makes me feel so guilty and sad for you. Do you know who understands your sacrifice better than anyone else?? God our father! He gave up his son too and He did it for YOU! He did it so that you would have a chance to live eternally with Him in heaven! He loves you more than you could ever imagine and I pray that if you don't known Him yet that you will one day! 

You and I, we share something very special and unique. We share a son. You birthed him and I parent him for as long as God allows me to. I wonder if you could peer into our lives, would you be happy with the way I parent him? Would you think your choice was the right one? I hope so! I hope that one day we are able to meet. Until then, I will continue to pray for you, and although it still takes work some days, I will give you grace and choose to believe you did the most selfless thing a mother could do! 

In Christ, 

Angela 

Samuel's other mom

Adoption: The Aftermath

Amongst the international adoption community it's a common response when people ask why you chose international adoption to respond with a simple, "Because that's where my son/daughter was." That response never seemed so true until after we got Samuel. I can tell you that there is no doubt in my mind that he was meant to be with us.
To be completely transparent, I worried that I would have a hard time loving him. I worried that I would see him differently as I do my bio kids. But, because I worried I prayed and pleaded with God on a daily basis to help me love him the way He loves him.
The moment I saw Samuel God opened my heart and flamed my motherly instincts. He was mine and I knew it just like I knew Austin & Alexa were mine the second I laid eyes on them after they were born. My instincts to protect him, cuddle him, kiss on him, take care of him, and die for him were all present. For the first time I truly understood that God led us to China because that's where our son was.
It is so humbling to think that when God knit Samuel together in his birth mother's womb that He created him with us in mind. He knew He would join our family one day. God places families together and He took us halfway around the world in a foreign country with wonderful people from all over the U.S. to grow our family the way He intended.
We witnessed first hand 11 families being joined together by adoption and it was beautiful. Not only could I see how God made Samuel for us but I witnessed how God made 10 other children with their adoptive families in mind. I saw how they just fit together.
Adoption is more beautiful and wonderful than I ever thought prior to being on this side of it and I yearn for other people to experience this. I know not every family is called to adopt but for every families sake, I wish you all were. There are hard parts along the way but that's what makes it so awesome in the end!! To look back and see how long we waited, how hard we worked, and how much money we raised. But the end result was more than worth it all!!!!
Through this whole process I have learned so much about God. I learned to trust Him more, love him deeper, and I've experienced numerous answered prayers. I've seen what He was doing behind the scenes (after the fact of course) and marveled at what He would do right in front of my face.
I still look at Samuel and I just can't believe he is really mine. He is so amazing! His smile can light up a room and his happy personality can lift my spirits. Sometimes he just puckers up to give me a big kiss and says, "love you." I am so humbled to be his mommy and to be able to watch him slowly learn to love us and feel like he belongs. I often still look at him and just weep...... tears of pure joy and amazement!
So adoption has changed our lives and rocked our world.... where do we go from here? Our hearts are forever changed and we can no longer ignore the orphan crisis. We have seen and know too much. Soooo..... we are in the process of becoming an approved foster home. I haven't made it completely public because I didn't want it to seem like this is about us. But my story and what God is doing in and through me is about Him and giving Him glory!  It is because of Him that we choose this path. It is because of Him changing me from the inside out and helping me die to myself every single day. I am no super mom. There is absolutely nothing special about me other than everyday I am committed to getting out of His way and have accepted His invitation to be apart of Him changing lives through the gospel. Sometimes (today even) I feel so inadequate. But He led me to the story of the prostitute, Rahab, in the book of Joshua and I am reminded that He can use ANYBODY! Rahab, a prostitute from an enemy nation of Israel and yet she is in the lineage of Jesus, the mother of Boaz. She had faith in the one true God and risk her life to follow Him.
Five years ago this definitely would not be happening. Heck even a year ago! We have been scared of foster care. Honestly, we still are. The thought of getting attached to a child only to lose them or see them go back to a bad situation makes me very anxious. I feel like we are walking into this knowing there is heartache ahead of us. But God brought me on my face before Him and challenged me. Do I really know what it means to live like Jesus? Praise the Lord that He didn't turn us away and not seek to redeem us just because He knew we would break His heart. If God can sacrifice His own son on that cross (can you imagine His heartache??) then I can allow my heart to be broken all for His glory and His kingdom. These are His children and He will allow them to be in our lives for as long as He wants them to be. Maybe the time these kids are with us is the only time they will hear about Jesus. Maybe that's the only reason He brings them to us temporarily. Maybe we will get the opportunity to mentor and pour into the parent's lives. Maybe He will allow us to adopt again. We don't know exactly what's ahead, but we do know and rest in the fact that God is completely sovereign over all things and that when our hearts get broken, He will be there to comfort us and mend us back together.
It is not lost to us that as our friends and family we are asking you to lay your hearts on the line with us. We know that you may very well get attached to these children just as we will and that some of them will only stay for a while. We are praying for you and your hearts as well as our own. But will you put your hearts on the line with us in the name of Jesus?! Will you trust that He has a plan for them and that plan may not include us permanently? 
Thank you for always supporting us and encouraging us!

"Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but him who sent me."  Mark 9:37

 

Dear Samuel

My Dearest Samuel,

Tomorrow morning we leave for China to come get you and bring you home. We have waited and dreamed of this day for so long. It doesn't seem real that the time has finally come.
My emotions are all over the place. I'm excited to finally meet you and hold you in my arms. I'm scared because we are strangers to you and I'm worried you may not like us very much at first. I'm sad for you as you say goodbye to all you've known and leave it behind. My heart is torn as I leave your brother and sister behind for a time. But I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful because you will never live another day without an earthly father and mother and probably for the first time you will hear the name Jesus. I'm hopeful that one day you will come to know the Lord as your savior as I do.
One day you may wonder why and possibly morn the fact that your birth parents chose to not parent you. But I want you to know and always remember that you are loved, you were chosen, you are special, you are cherished, and you are right where you were always meant to be. I may not have carried you in my tummy but I have carried you in my heart for years. One day when God allows you to understand you will see how adoption represents the gospel and how we were all orphans and sought after. I have already been praying for your salvation and I won't stop until God calls you to Himself.
I promise to always love you. I promise to put you before myself. I promise to always pray for you. I promise to make you feel safe and cherished. I promise to cuddle you and wipe away your tears. I promise to always be there for you. Most importantly.... I promise to tell you all about Jesus and how you were carefully made and your path in life was known before you were born.
So as we begin our journey tomorrow half way around the world to you, I will continue to pray for your heart and for your nannies at the orphanage that you will say goodbye to. I will be praying that eventually you love us and see us as your parents. I can't wait for the day that you call me Mama and tell me that you love me. But I understand that may take time and I promise to be patient. I will see you very soon my son! Until then my heart will continue to yearn for you!

I love you,

Your Mama

When Fear Surrounds Me

Mother's Day was a little bitter sweet for me this year. I wanted to cry at the thought of Samuel being on the other side of the world away from me. I dream about him a lot. Sometimes I remember very vividly what my dreams entail and sometimes I just know it was about him. I wake up often in the middle of the night and wonder what he is doing. I cannot wait to get to him but not looking forward to leaving Austin & Alexa. It's a strange feeling..... Like being torn in two places. But soon we will all be together!!
 We are currently waiting on our I800 approval and then we have another form to fill out. Within the next couple of weeks we will be paying for Samuel's visa to enter the U.S. Each step draws us closer and closer to him. Our hope is that we will leave late July. I may spend my 32nd birthday in China this year.
As of right now we have a little under $7,000 left to raise. We have raised over $30,000 to date. When God called us to this journey we didn't even have $500 in savings. We just got done draining our savings to buy a car with cash so we didn't have any payments and were working on trying to build it back up (I know Dave Ramsey would have had a stroke). We couldn't even afford another child on David's income. But we stepped out because we felt like God wanted us to and He opened the door wide. He provided a better paying job for David within months of us starting the process and He brought all the money in from many different sources all along the way and at just the right time. GOD IS FAITHFUL!!!
But this last chunk of money has brought me great anxiety and fear if I'm honest. More so than all the rest. I know fear is from the devil but I let my flesh take over and the worry begins. I think it's because I see Samuel's face and watch his video and I'm afraid! I'm afraid I won't get to him. I'm afraid if this money doesn't come in he will remain an orphan until it does. Just like the Israelites, I so quickly forget ALL that God has already done and think He can't handle what's ahead. GOD IS FAITHFUL!!! When those fears surface that is my chant!
Since starting this process we have heard from so many people that they would love to adopt or have considered it. But the saddest part to me is that so so many of them didn't do it because of the cost of adoption. It is daunting and can I be really honest and say... Raising it hasn't been easy! At times it's been like a full time job. Not everything we have tried has worked that great, we've been discouraged, and exhausted. But like motherhood, the good outweighs the bad!! We have seen strangers step up and give us money, we have had a few large donations, we have been blessed by the prayers of so many, we have had people give us stuff to sell, people who we never expected to even be able to help us has. We have personally witnessed an army step up and care for the orphan. We are so humbled to be on the receiving end of so many people's generosity.
Because of what I've learned and because of my passion to care for the orphan I have a challenge and an offer. One of you reading this has thought about adoption or would like to adopt. Do you feel a tugging at your heart?? Don't ignore it.... Explore that feeling. Take it to God and ask Him if it's from Him. Prayerfully consider it! If God keeps laying it on your heart don't worry about the money and step out in faith and here is my offer to you..... I will help you raise the money! I will walk this process with you and I will invest my time in your journey so that another orphan can find their forever family. Please send me a message if you want more information about adoption. I would love to help you!
Over the last few weeks when my faith seems to get weak this song has played.... In the car or at the gym on my headphones. Just a reminder that He is faithful & if He is calling you to it He will provide.

"May He equip you with all you need for doing His will. May He produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, every good thing that is pleasing to him. All glory to Him forever and ever! Amen." 

Hebrews 13:21

GETTING CLOSER

Many of you saw me post a couple days ago about the documents that we overnighted to Nashville & Tallahassee to have state sealed. Well, the ones from Nashville are back and waiting at FedEx for me to pick up. Unfortunately, David's birth certificate that went to Florida to be state sealed got delayed a day. But it was delivered this morning at 10. Hopefully they will mail it back out today & I'll have it in my hands tomorrow. Next week.... our dossier gets sent to our adoption agency and they will look over it and send it to China. I seriously cried this morning because I am so happy to get to this point.

I have been asked by many why adoption costs so much. For one thing there are many smaller fees and they all add up very quickly. It costs over $70 to overnight those 2 packages to be state sealed and when I go pick it up it will be another $70 because it was overnighted back to us (and you know FL or TN wasn't going to incur that cost). There are seriously fees at every corner not to mention the big ones (country fees, travel & accommodations, required orphanage donation, program fees, legal fees, post adoption fees, etc....). But we KNOW God is faithful and He wouldn't have called us to this if He wasn't planning on providing financially for us to do it debt free.

In the very beginning of this process we were working on our home study and I had a moment of insanity where I thought maybe we should just have another one biologically. I started to get upset that I would never have another positive pregnancy test, never feel my baby move in my womb or get hiccups, or sustain my baby's life alone by the milk my body creates. But I can tell you that even to this point we are at now that we have had amazing moments in this journey that have been just as special. When I got the call that our home study was approved.... I cried tears of joy! When I woke up and tracked my documents and learned that one set is already back and waiting for me to pick up.... I cried tears of joy! When I described the very vivid dream I had last night to David of us in China going to get our son..... I cried tears of joy! When I imagine the day that we will get "the call" that they have a referral for us...... I cry tears of joy! Maybe I won't ever nurse a baby, or carry one in my womb, or hear their first cry as they enter this world. But I will get to pull up his picture on my computer screen and see his face for the first time. I will get to travel a long way and wake up on the other side of the world to go pick up our son. I will get to tell him that I am his mama. I will get to bring him home and introduce him to his brother and sister.

I have been asked before if I think I can love him as much as my biological children and honestly in the very beginning I asked myself the same question. But now I can honestly tell you just like I loved Austin & Alexa when they were tiny beans in my belly, I love this child! The mere thought of him, the reality that he will join us soon, and maybe it won't even be a him but a her. The same instinct that causes you to love the baby that you carry in your womb even before you know the gender or see the first ultrasound is the same instinct that kicks in for me when I think of this child we are working hard to get. He is mine & David's and God knew it when He created him in his biological mothers womb.

I am hoping to be able to announce to you in the next few weeks that we are officially logged into China and beginning our wait for a referral. You know they say it takes a village to raise a child. Well it has and is going to take a village to bring this child home. We still have a lot of money to raise (about $27,000) but I am amazed at the money that has come in right when we needed it. We will owe $2,260 when we mail our dossier to our adoption agency. Because a "village" of very giving people we already have that fee raised. When we receive and accept a referral (a child that they believe is a good fit for us) we will owe $5,400. At that point we will have a picture of his face to show all of you. Of that fee we have already raised about $2,000. Of the $27,000 that we have left to raise about $12,000-$15,000 of that is for travel and accommodations for a 2 week stay in China to get our baby. We are seriously beyond grateful for each and every one of you that has given of your time, money, and have prayed for us!!

Continue to pray that financially God will take care of it and that we won't worry in the least. Pray for our child. My prayer and one that I ask of you to pray with me is that if/when he is abandoned that he is found quickly and taken to an orphanage to get cared for and fed, that he never goes hungry, and that he has a special care taker that sings to him and has a special place in her heart for him and as impossible as it may seem in a very non-christian country I pray that she is a Jesus follower and whispers stories of Jesus in his ear. I pray that his little heart knows that we are coming for him and that he has parents and a brother and sister that are fighting for him, praying for him, and that love him! Will you pray this prayer with me in the name of Jesus?

"Truly, truly, I say to you, whatever you ask of the Father in my name, he will give it to you." 

John 16:23

WHY ARE WE ADOPTING ANYWAY?

We get asked a lot, "Why are you adopting?" I even got asked by a man the other day if it was because I couldn't have anymore of my own. For the most part the questions do not offend me in the slightest. I am sometimes surprised by people's boldness but usually not offended. If anything it gives me the opportunity to share about something that I am passionate about and it almost always leads into my faith. So its a win win if you asked me. 

So for those of you that don't know and are wondering here is some answers to some common questions we get....

1) Can you not have anymore of your own? 

Actually I have no issues in that area. All I have to do it say I want to get pregnant and I do. I have been very blessed when it comes to that. I have although had 2 c-sections and I would like to spare my body from another one. They are brutal in my opinion. That door isn't entirely closed though. I am pretty sure we will not have anymore biological children but I can't say for 100% certainty that it won't be God's path for us.

2) Why wouldn't you just adopt here? 

Amos in the Bible was called by God to be a prophet and deliver a message of judgement to the Israelites. As you can imagine, they didn't like what he told them. When Amaziah the priest in the 7th chapter of Amos basically told Amos to go away Amos in verse 15 says, "But the Lord took me from following the flock, and the Lord said to me, 'Go prophesy to my people Israel.'" Basically, Amos is saying, "Hey God told me to come here and do this." That pretty much sums up why we are doing an international adoption as opposed to domestic or why we are adopting at all for that matter. We are following the path God has laid out for us the best that we can.

Bottom line is WE BELIEVE IN ADOPTION!! Domestic, international, foster to adopt..... whatever path God leads you down is not better or worse than the other ones. It's His path for your family. The thing is the orphan crisis is EVERYWHERE. Some places its more prominent than others but it is a sad situation and reality for every country. 

3) Why would you do that? 

Well you can really refer back to #2 to answer this one but I would like to add some to that. In the book of James we are called to care for the orphans. For some that means adoption but that's not God's call to every christian. For us, we had a desire placed in our hearts about 7 years ago for adoption. I remember telling my mother-in-law all those years ago that I felt like we were called to one day adopt. This path has been obvious to us for many years. But it is our path and we don't all have the same one. Maybe you are called to serve in an orphanage in Africa, or foster children here in the US, or financially support a family that is adopting, or volunteer at a women's shelter and help teach them how to parent. That calling looks different for all of us but has a common denominator..... the orphan. 

Also, adoption is the absolute core of our beliefs. I praise God for His adoption plan for us. "He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ...." Ephesians 1:5. Adoption is a beautiful picture of the gospel. 
Lastly, we are called to love. Think about what it means to love one another as we love ourselves. I don't know about you but I wouldn't want to be abandoned by my parents and no one come and give me a home and a family. So if I don't want that for myself and I'm supposed to love others as I DO MYSELF then shouldn't I be willing to do something about it even just for one??  I want my kids to learn how to love others as the Bible calls us to. What is the most effective way in teaching them that? In Proverbs 23:26 Solomon writes, "My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways." My children may listen to what I tell them but they will most definitely mimic what David & I do and say. To teach them to love, we must love and show them by our actions how to do it.

4) But your children are so cute. 
This is a statement and not a question I know but I hear it a lot. It sort of makes me laugh. So does that mean if I adopt a child they won't be cute? I could take this statement and go in many different directions...... like societies standards of what "cute" is and whats not. But all I will say is this.... I completely trust God that this child will be a perfect fit for our family. Whether you believe so or not is not my concern. So to me, he will be cute I just know it! 

I know that there are people that don't agree with what we are doing and that is fine. I can't change your heart and open your eyes and force you to love. But there is one thing I won't tolerate and that's hate. David was told just a couple of days ago by someone who at one time was close to my family that they just can't love one of those people (referring to the Chinese). She doesn't believe we should "bring one of those people over here to marry our people." Wow! So I guess God only created Americans and we are the only ones worthy of living?? Which by the way is anyone really originally an American??? My ancestors are from England & Germany. I guess I'm a foreigner too.... Oh and so is David. Guess we should be deported. 
If you say you are a christian and believe this way then I challenge you to really search your relationship with God and ask yourself how well do you know Him. Because to truly know God is to know His heart for His people that He created.... which by the way is every human being on this planet no matter what your skin color or the country your from. Do you think God enjoys and condones you hating and being down right prejudice to people that He created in HIS IMAGE?? 
I will say this and I am done..... If you can't love Austin, Alexa, and the little one in China waiting for us.... then you can't love me and you don't love me! My highest calling is to motherhood and the children that I am blessed with and that call me mommy. I will stand before God's throne one day and have to answer to how I discipled them and I will protect them with my life. This child we are adopting will be no different for me than the children I birthed from my body. So if you have just down right nasty things to say then you will have no place in my life or my children's. I hate that some will obviously miss out on a blessing but I can't change people. What I can do is protect and disciple my children.... adopted & biological and I fully intend to do just that!  

HOW I LOWERED MY CHOLESTEROL NATURALLY

Many of you have asked me questions about my cholesterol since I posted on facebook about how I lowered it the natural way from 263 to 204 in the last year. Let me start off by saying I am no expert or nutritionist. I have learned a lot along the way and obviously what I learned and implemented has helped. So here is a break down of how my levels have dropped over the last year and what I have done......

Aug. 28, 2013
Cholesterol- 263 (needs to be under 200)
Triglyceride- 153 (needs to be under 150)
HDL (good cholesterol)- 63 (needs to be 40-60)
LDL (bad cholesterol)- 170 (needs to be under 99)

The above was my blood work done when we were doing our physicals for our adoption. I knew it was elevated and had been for several years but I didn't know it was that high. At the time this blood work was done I really wasn't a horribly unhealthy eater. I have always chosen turkey & chicken over ground beef, we love fish and eat it often, I seldom if ever bread and fry my food, I always either bake, grill, or pan sear almost everything in olive oil with some garlic, for dinner we almost always have a meat (usually a pretty lean one) and 2 veggies and we cook almost all our meals at home. So when I went over my diet with my doctor he gave me little hope that I could lower it naturally because my problem seemed to be more of a genetic issue than what I was eating. So for several months I did nothing. The best word I could use to describe my feelings is defeated!
But the closer I got to my next blood draw and doctors appointment the more I started researching and trying to figure out what I could do. I made a few diet changes. Switched to low fat cheese, cream cheese, & sour cream and I went back to using Smart Balance butter. The first of November I began taking fish oil & Red Yeast Rice. I went back to the doctor on January 14, 2014 and here were my results.......

January 14, 2014
Cholesterol- 245
Triglyceride- 179
HDL- 73.6
LDL- 135.6

Still not great but there was some improvement. Although my triglycerides had went up for some reason. Like I said before.... I'm no expert so I have no idea what caused that and haven't really done a whole lot of research to figure it out. But I knew I had more work to do. So I increased my fish oil for one. Below is a picture of the fish oil I take now. I bought it at Walmart.

The other thing I did was began regular exercise. The first of April I started working out 5-6 days a week and even was running some. A little side note here about running..... I hate it!! I gave it about a month and a half and tried my darndest to like it but it never happened. So why do something you hate? The first of June we joined the YMCA. One thing I do love to do is dance! I always have and lets face it I'm not exactly going to go to a club anymore to get my dance on. So I started taking Zumba/Quake classes! They are so much fun & really get that heart rate up and going!!
Prior to joining the Y I was just doing a variety of work out DVDs I already have at home. The ones that worked the best though were Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred & Ripped in 30. But lets face it, doing the same DVDs over and over again gets boring and in my experience you don't push yourself through every move because you have it memorized and know you need to save strength to do what you already know is coming up. But in group classes you not only usually don't know whats coming next but you have a whole class full of people and I swear just their presence causes you to push through and give it all you've got!!
The third thing I started doing was praying about it! I often times don't pray about things for myself. I think sometimes we think we are being selfish or that God has bigger issues to worry about. But I covered it in prayer and I even prayed driving to the doctors office to get my results. God hears us and He wants us to pray boldly.
So then I went back to the doctor for another blood draw to recheck my levels. I knew this was my last chance. If I didn't significantly lower it then he was putting me on prescription medication. I was nervous to go get my results because I knew if they weren't good then that would be so discouraging for me and would quite possibly cause me to just stop trying to be healthy. But I was beyond excited when I heard my levels and I think I can say with confidence that my doctor was a little surprised! Woo Hoo!!!

June 11, 2014
Cholesterol- 204
Triglyceride- 61
HDL- 72.7
LDL- 119.1

It is still a little high and I am having them checked again in December and will probably have to get it rechecked yearly just to make sure it stays down. But I am so proud of what I have been able to do on my own!! Notice my triglycerides compared to the last time! I dropped them 118 points!!! 
For those of you that do struggle with healthy eating, there is this page on facebook that is AWESOME! It's called Foodfitfact and she has the most amazing recipes! Here is a link to it..... https://www.facebook.com/Foodfitfact You must check it out! My main issue with food is that I get bored and I'm not very creative. But Heather comes up with some really great food! Every time she posts something I immediately get hungry.
The most amazing thing that I found because of her page is PB2 (pictured below). I found it at Target. It is powdered peanut butter. I know it sounds weird. I was skeptical but I bought it anyway & I am so glad I did. I try to eat as much natural and organic as I can with very few ingredients as possible. But as much as I have tried to like healthier and organic peanut butter I just haven't found one that compares to Peter Pan. Well, I can honestly say I like PB2 better!! PB2 has 45 calories as opposed to 210 in PP, 1.5 grams of fat as opposed to 17. It's awesome and it tastes amazing!! You have to try it if you are a peanut butter fan like I am. You just mix it with water! Buy it.... I promise its amazing!

I am no nutritionist but I do have a few rules I personally try to follow when it comes to food:

1) If I buy it I will eat it! I try to enter the grocery store with the right mind set and stay away from
the junk entirely (although I'm not perfect and sometimes I fail miserably).

 2) I try not to make some imaginary list of things that are completely off limits. For example, I love a good Mountain Dew every now and then or a Dr. Enuf. But every time I have tried to go cold turkey I fail miserably and crave it even more. Now I allow myself a soda a couple times a week and I increased my water intake. I have a 33 oz. Camelbak cup and I drink at least 2 of those a day. That alone has helped more than I ever imagined at curbing my craving for soda. I hate diet drinks and in my opinion if I'm going to drink soda I might as well go big or go home! Haha

3) I try to make sure as much of my cart as possible is from the produce section or the meat dept. of the grocery store. If you can grow it or kill it..... then eat it! There are things that I buy in the other isles but my goal is as much as possible for my family needs to be natural and not processed.

Now I bend my own rules a lot and its a daily battle to eat only whats good for me and every now and then I have to fulfill my craving for some Chick-Fil-A with those delicious waffle fries. These are just some personal "rules" I've made for myself that have helped me a lot. I have been on a healthy food journey for a while now and it has been very gradual. As I learn more I adjust my diet accordingly. It seems to me that if you change everything all at once you fail much easier than if you make gradual changes. After all this isn't a crash diet.... its gradual changes that will last a life time. Let's be clear... I still eat like crap sometimes and I love sugar!! So don't judge if you see potato chips in my cart at the grocery store one day. Because I do eat them every now and then along with other not so healthy stuff. : )
So if you have any questions don't ask me.... ask a nutritionist or your doctor!! Haha These are just the things that have worked for me and I'm still a work in progress!