To follow up my last blog on how overwhelming but wonderful motherhood can be it seems appropriate to address my kids in regards to us going across the world. I assure you it came as no easy decision to leave our kids behind and go that far away when we have never left them for more than 2 nights before.
I think I mentioned in an earlier blog that when I first heard about Africa it was completely out of the question. There was no way I was going that far away and leaving them for 10 days. I am pretty sure that was probably my exact words to David. The thought of something happening to one or both of my kids and being a 20+ hour plane ride away seemed ludicrous to me. There was simply no way (or so I thought) I was doing that.
When God first started pointing us in the direction of Africa my first question to Him was, "What about my kids?" I guess I thought I needed to bring them up and remind God that they would be affected by this. Silly me! He began showing me things about my kids that I had never thought of.
I was listening to a sermon on the internet one day and the pastor was talking about idolatry. He said as parents we tend to idolize our children and place them before God. I had never heard that before (or paid attention to it) but when I sat and analyzed my relationship with my kids and my relationship with God I realized I was guilty. I placed them above my daily quiet time, I placed them above my prayer life, and I even placed them above my marriage. They are important and a gift from God but God should ALWAYS be first, then my husband, then my children. I was convicted as I realized that was not the order in my life.
During our Sunday school class at church we did a marriage series called 'The Art of Marriage' which confirmed the order of importance and where God fit into the picture. One Sunday we had Pastor Gene & his wife come in and do a question and answer session with us. If my memory serves me right, they have been married over 30 years. We were on the topic of kids and how to set aside time as a couple. Pastor Gene said they went away once a year for about a week when their kids were young and he said something that really stuck with me. He said, "Your kids will be okay." God spoke to me that day loud and clear through Pastor Gene but I still wasn't ready to let go of my worry.
God spoke to me again through Hilary Alan's book 'Sent,' that I mentioned in an earlier post. She wrote a lot in her book about her kids and how their call to mission work affected them. In one chapter she writes about her pastor preaching a sermon about surrender. He told them to hold their hands out palms facing up and visualize what was most important to them and what they would be willing to die for. Hilary says, "My immediate response? I would die for my husband and children." (That is exactly what my response would be as well.) Then their pastor said to "squeeze your hands with the amount of firmness representing how much you want to hold on to whatever you visualized in your hands." Hilary describes her knuckles turning white because they meant more to her than anything. Then the pastor said, "If you are willing to give whatever it is in your hands to the Lord, regardless of what that means for you, then you open your hands, again, palms facing up and say, 'Lord, they are Yours. Do with them what You will because I release them to You. They're not mine, anyway, They are Yours.'" Hilary said that was when she began letting go of the control she mistakenly had over her children's lives.
About a month after reading that part in the book I was still in a great deal of turmoil over leaving my kids. I was stressed out and upset. Then one night David and I were in the living room after we put the kids to bed and David was preparing to lead Sunday school the next morning. He literally stumbled upon this verse in Matthew 19:29 "And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name's sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life." I knew then that all my worry and anxiety was from the Devil. The last thing he wants me to do is be obedient to God.
I can worry and stress out about the 'what if's' or I can decide that I am going to fully trust God and His promises. My children were given to me by Him. He created them and they were His first! Why did I ever think for a second that whatever God calls us to do that He hadn't considered my kids? He loves them more than I will ever be able to. Austin & Alexa are a gift from God, given to me to raise up and disciple.
One of the most effective and important ways to disciple my children and teach them is to be a living example. What example would I be to them if I chose them over God's calling? What example would I be if I was disobedient to God? I began to realize that by David & I going to Africa we would be doing our kids more good than if we stayed behind out of fear. One of my greatest desires is for Austin & Alexa to hold true to Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."
Currently I am at complete peace about this trip. I say currently because the Devil certainly knows my weaknesses and I know he isn't going to let up on me.
We are excited to see what God has in store for us in Africa!! He has amazed us so far and I can't wait to share more with you and watch it unfold myself!
Until then I leave you with this awesome song I came across......
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