GETTING CLOSER

Many of you saw me post a couple days ago about the documents that we overnighted to Nashville & Tallahassee to have state sealed. Well, the ones from Nashville are back and waiting at FedEx for me to pick up. Unfortunately, David's birth certificate that went to Florida to be state sealed got delayed a day. But it was delivered this morning at 10. Hopefully they will mail it back out today & I'll have it in my hands tomorrow. Next week.... our dossier gets sent to our adoption agency and they will look over it and send it to China. I seriously cried this morning because I am so happy to get to this point.

I have been asked by many why adoption costs so much. For one thing there are many smaller fees and they all add up very quickly. It costs over $70 to overnight those 2 packages to be state sealed and when I go pick it up it will be another $70 because it was overnighted back to us (and you know FL or TN wasn't going to incur that cost). There are seriously fees at every corner not to mention the big ones (country fees, travel & accommodations, required orphanage donation, program fees, legal fees, post adoption fees, etc....). But we KNOW God is faithful and He wouldn't have called us to this if He wasn't planning on providing financially for us to do it debt free.

In the very beginning of this process we were working on our home study and I had a moment of insanity where I thought maybe we should just have another one biologically. I started to get upset that I would never have another positive pregnancy test, never feel my baby move in my womb or get hiccups, or sustain my baby's life alone by the milk my body creates. But I can tell you that even to this point we are at now that we have had amazing moments in this journey that have been just as special. When I got the call that our home study was approved.... I cried tears of joy! When I woke up and tracked my documents and learned that one set is already back and waiting for me to pick up.... I cried tears of joy! When I described the very vivid dream I had last night to David of us in China going to get our son..... I cried tears of joy! When I imagine the day that we will get "the call" that they have a referral for us...... I cry tears of joy! Maybe I won't ever nurse a baby, or carry one in my womb, or hear their first cry as they enter this world. But I will get to pull up his picture on my computer screen and see his face for the first time. I will get to travel a long way and wake up on the other side of the world to go pick up our son. I will get to tell him that I am his mama. I will get to bring him home and introduce him to his brother and sister.

I have been asked before if I think I can love him as much as my biological children and honestly in the very beginning I asked myself the same question. But now I can honestly tell you just like I loved Austin & Alexa when they were tiny beans in my belly, I love this child! The mere thought of him, the reality that he will join us soon, and maybe it won't even be a him but a her. The same instinct that causes you to love the baby that you carry in your womb even before you know the gender or see the first ultrasound is the same instinct that kicks in for me when I think of this child we are working hard to get. He is mine & David's and God knew it when He created him in his biological mothers womb.

I am hoping to be able to announce to you in the next few weeks that we are officially logged into China and beginning our wait for a referral. You know they say it takes a village to raise a child. Well it has and is going to take a village to bring this child home. We still have a lot of money to raise (about $27,000) but I am amazed at the money that has come in right when we needed it. We will owe $2,260 when we mail our dossier to our adoption agency. Because a "village" of very giving people we already have that fee raised. When we receive and accept a referral (a child that they believe is a good fit for us) we will owe $5,400. At that point we will have a picture of his face to show all of you. Of that fee we have already raised about $2,000. Of the $27,000 that we have left to raise about $12,000-$15,000 of that is for travel and accommodations for a 2 week stay in China to get our baby. We are seriously beyond grateful for each and every one of you that has given of your time, money, and have prayed for us!!

Continue to pray that financially God will take care of it and that we won't worry in the least. Pray for our child. My prayer and one that I ask of you to pray with me is that if/when he is abandoned that he is found quickly and taken to an orphanage to get cared for and fed, that he never goes hungry, and that he has a special care taker that sings to him and has a special place in her heart for him and as impossible as it may seem in a very non-christian country I pray that she is a Jesus follower and whispers stories of Jesus in his ear. I pray that his little heart knows that we are coming for him and that he has parents and a brother and sister that are fighting for him, praying for him, and that love him! Will you pray this prayer with me in the name of Jesus?

"Truly, truly, I say to you, whatever you ask of the Father in my name, he will give it to you." 

John 16:23

WHY ARE WE ADOPTING ANYWAY?

We get asked a lot, "Why are you adopting?" I even got asked by a man the other day if it was because I couldn't have anymore of my own. For the most part the questions do not offend me in the slightest. I am sometimes surprised by people's boldness but usually not offended. If anything it gives me the opportunity to share about something that I am passionate about and it almost always leads into my faith. So its a win win if you asked me. 

So for those of you that don't know and are wondering here is some answers to some common questions we get....

1) Can you not have anymore of your own? 

Actually I have no issues in that area. All I have to do it say I want to get pregnant and I do. I have been very blessed when it comes to that. I have although had 2 c-sections and I would like to spare my body from another one. They are brutal in my opinion. That door isn't entirely closed though. I am pretty sure we will not have anymore biological children but I can't say for 100% certainty that it won't be God's path for us.

2) Why wouldn't you just adopt here? 

Amos in the Bible was called by God to be a prophet and deliver a message of judgement to the Israelites. As you can imagine, they didn't like what he told them. When Amaziah the priest in the 7th chapter of Amos basically told Amos to go away Amos in verse 15 says, "But the Lord took me from following the flock, and the Lord said to me, 'Go prophesy to my people Israel.'" Basically, Amos is saying, "Hey God told me to come here and do this." That pretty much sums up why we are doing an international adoption as opposed to domestic or why we are adopting at all for that matter. We are following the path God has laid out for us the best that we can.

Bottom line is WE BELIEVE IN ADOPTION!! Domestic, international, foster to adopt..... whatever path God leads you down is not better or worse than the other ones. It's His path for your family. The thing is the orphan crisis is EVERYWHERE. Some places its more prominent than others but it is a sad situation and reality for every country. 

3) Why would you do that? 

Well you can really refer back to #2 to answer this one but I would like to add some to that. In the book of James we are called to care for the orphans. For some that means adoption but that's not God's call to every christian. For us, we had a desire placed in our hearts about 7 years ago for adoption. I remember telling my mother-in-law all those years ago that I felt like we were called to one day adopt. This path has been obvious to us for many years. But it is our path and we don't all have the same one. Maybe you are called to serve in an orphanage in Africa, or foster children here in the US, or financially support a family that is adopting, or volunteer at a women's shelter and help teach them how to parent. That calling looks different for all of us but has a common denominator..... the orphan. 

Also, adoption is the absolute core of our beliefs. I praise God for His adoption plan for us. "He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ...." Ephesians 1:5. Adoption is a beautiful picture of the gospel. 
Lastly, we are called to love. Think about what it means to love one another as we love ourselves. I don't know about you but I wouldn't want to be abandoned by my parents and no one come and give me a home and a family. So if I don't want that for myself and I'm supposed to love others as I DO MYSELF then shouldn't I be willing to do something about it even just for one??  I want my kids to learn how to love others as the Bible calls us to. What is the most effective way in teaching them that? In Proverbs 23:26 Solomon writes, "My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways." My children may listen to what I tell them but they will most definitely mimic what David & I do and say. To teach them to love, we must love and show them by our actions how to do it.

4) But your children are so cute. 
This is a statement and not a question I know but I hear it a lot. It sort of makes me laugh. So does that mean if I adopt a child they won't be cute? I could take this statement and go in many different directions...... like societies standards of what "cute" is and whats not. But all I will say is this.... I completely trust God that this child will be a perfect fit for our family. Whether you believe so or not is not my concern. So to me, he will be cute I just know it! 

I know that there are people that don't agree with what we are doing and that is fine. I can't change your heart and open your eyes and force you to love. But there is one thing I won't tolerate and that's hate. David was told just a couple of days ago by someone who at one time was close to my family that they just can't love one of those people (referring to the Chinese). She doesn't believe we should "bring one of those people over here to marry our people." Wow! So I guess God only created Americans and we are the only ones worthy of living?? Which by the way is anyone really originally an American??? My ancestors are from England & Germany. I guess I'm a foreigner too.... Oh and so is David. Guess we should be deported. 
If you say you are a christian and believe this way then I challenge you to really search your relationship with God and ask yourself how well do you know Him. Because to truly know God is to know His heart for His people that He created.... which by the way is every human being on this planet no matter what your skin color or the country your from. Do you think God enjoys and condones you hating and being down right prejudice to people that He created in HIS IMAGE?? 
I will say this and I am done..... If you can't love Austin, Alexa, and the little one in China waiting for us.... then you can't love me and you don't love me! My highest calling is to motherhood and the children that I am blessed with and that call me mommy. I will stand before God's throne one day and have to answer to how I discipled them and I will protect them with my life. This child we are adopting will be no different for me than the children I birthed from my body. So if you have just down right nasty things to say then you will have no place in my life or my children's. I hate that some will obviously miss out on a blessing but I can't change people. What I can do is protect and disciple my children.... adopted & biological and I fully intend to do just that!  

HOW I LOWERED MY CHOLESTEROL NATURALLY

Many of you have asked me questions about my cholesterol since I posted on facebook about how I lowered it the natural way from 263 to 204 in the last year. Let me start off by saying I am no expert or nutritionist. I have learned a lot along the way and obviously what I learned and implemented has helped. So here is a break down of how my levels have dropped over the last year and what I have done......

Aug. 28, 2013
Cholesterol- 263 (needs to be under 200)
Triglyceride- 153 (needs to be under 150)
HDL (good cholesterol)- 63 (needs to be 40-60)
LDL (bad cholesterol)- 170 (needs to be under 99)

The above was my blood work done when we were doing our physicals for our adoption. I knew it was elevated and had been for several years but I didn't know it was that high. At the time this blood work was done I really wasn't a horribly unhealthy eater. I have always chosen turkey & chicken over ground beef, we love fish and eat it often, I seldom if ever bread and fry my food, I always either bake, grill, or pan sear almost everything in olive oil with some garlic, for dinner we almost always have a meat (usually a pretty lean one) and 2 veggies and we cook almost all our meals at home. So when I went over my diet with my doctor he gave me little hope that I could lower it naturally because my problem seemed to be more of a genetic issue than what I was eating. So for several months I did nothing. The best word I could use to describe my feelings is defeated!
But the closer I got to my next blood draw and doctors appointment the more I started researching and trying to figure out what I could do. I made a few diet changes. Switched to low fat cheese, cream cheese, & sour cream and I went back to using Smart Balance butter. The first of November I began taking fish oil & Red Yeast Rice. I went back to the doctor on January 14, 2014 and here were my results.......

January 14, 2014
Cholesterol- 245
Triglyceride- 179
HDL- 73.6
LDL- 135.6

Still not great but there was some improvement. Although my triglycerides had went up for some reason. Like I said before.... I'm no expert so I have no idea what caused that and haven't really done a whole lot of research to figure it out. But I knew I had more work to do. So I increased my fish oil for one. Below is a picture of the fish oil I take now. I bought it at Walmart.

The other thing I did was began regular exercise. The first of April I started working out 5-6 days a week and even was running some. A little side note here about running..... I hate it!! I gave it about a month and a half and tried my darndest to like it but it never happened. So why do something you hate? The first of June we joined the YMCA. One thing I do love to do is dance! I always have and lets face it I'm not exactly going to go to a club anymore to get my dance on. So I started taking Zumba/Quake classes! They are so much fun & really get that heart rate up and going!!
Prior to joining the Y I was just doing a variety of work out DVDs I already have at home. The ones that worked the best though were Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred & Ripped in 30. But lets face it, doing the same DVDs over and over again gets boring and in my experience you don't push yourself through every move because you have it memorized and know you need to save strength to do what you already know is coming up. But in group classes you not only usually don't know whats coming next but you have a whole class full of people and I swear just their presence causes you to push through and give it all you've got!!
The third thing I started doing was praying about it! I often times don't pray about things for myself. I think sometimes we think we are being selfish or that God has bigger issues to worry about. But I covered it in prayer and I even prayed driving to the doctors office to get my results. God hears us and He wants us to pray boldly.
So then I went back to the doctor for another blood draw to recheck my levels. I knew this was my last chance. If I didn't significantly lower it then he was putting me on prescription medication. I was nervous to go get my results because I knew if they weren't good then that would be so discouraging for me and would quite possibly cause me to just stop trying to be healthy. But I was beyond excited when I heard my levels and I think I can say with confidence that my doctor was a little surprised! Woo Hoo!!!

June 11, 2014
Cholesterol- 204
Triglyceride- 61
HDL- 72.7
LDL- 119.1

It is still a little high and I am having them checked again in December and will probably have to get it rechecked yearly just to make sure it stays down. But I am so proud of what I have been able to do on my own!! Notice my triglycerides compared to the last time! I dropped them 118 points!!! 
For those of you that do struggle with healthy eating, there is this page on facebook that is AWESOME! It's called Foodfitfact and she has the most amazing recipes! Here is a link to it..... https://www.facebook.com/Foodfitfact You must check it out! My main issue with food is that I get bored and I'm not very creative. But Heather comes up with some really great food! Every time she posts something I immediately get hungry.
The most amazing thing that I found because of her page is PB2 (pictured below). I found it at Target. It is powdered peanut butter. I know it sounds weird. I was skeptical but I bought it anyway & I am so glad I did. I try to eat as much natural and organic as I can with very few ingredients as possible. But as much as I have tried to like healthier and organic peanut butter I just haven't found one that compares to Peter Pan. Well, I can honestly say I like PB2 better!! PB2 has 45 calories as opposed to 210 in PP, 1.5 grams of fat as opposed to 17. It's awesome and it tastes amazing!! You have to try it if you are a peanut butter fan like I am. You just mix it with water! Buy it.... I promise its amazing!

I am no nutritionist but I do have a few rules I personally try to follow when it comes to food:

1) If I buy it I will eat it! I try to enter the grocery store with the right mind set and stay away from
the junk entirely (although I'm not perfect and sometimes I fail miserably).

 2) I try not to make some imaginary list of things that are completely off limits. For example, I love a good Mountain Dew every now and then or a Dr. Enuf. But every time I have tried to go cold turkey I fail miserably and crave it even more. Now I allow myself a soda a couple times a week and I increased my water intake. I have a 33 oz. Camelbak cup and I drink at least 2 of those a day. That alone has helped more than I ever imagined at curbing my craving for soda. I hate diet drinks and in my opinion if I'm going to drink soda I might as well go big or go home! Haha

3) I try to make sure as much of my cart as possible is from the produce section or the meat dept. of the grocery store. If you can grow it or kill it..... then eat it! There are things that I buy in the other isles but my goal is as much as possible for my family needs to be natural and not processed.

Now I bend my own rules a lot and its a daily battle to eat only whats good for me and every now and then I have to fulfill my craving for some Chick-Fil-A with those delicious waffle fries. These are just some personal "rules" I've made for myself that have helped me a lot. I have been on a healthy food journey for a while now and it has been very gradual. As I learn more I adjust my diet accordingly. It seems to me that if you change everything all at once you fail much easier than if you make gradual changes. After all this isn't a crash diet.... its gradual changes that will last a life time. Let's be clear... I still eat like crap sometimes and I love sugar!! So don't judge if you see potato chips in my cart at the grocery store one day. Because I do eat them every now and then along with other not so healthy stuff. : )
So if you have any questions don't ask me.... ask a nutritionist or your doctor!! Haha These are just the things that have worked for me and I'm still a work in progress!
          

GOOD NEWS

I just finished watching a movie about Peter, one of the 12 disciples of Jesus Christ. Like always I wept as the movie played out the sacrifice that Jesus made for us. I admire Peter's boldness in sharing this good news with the world even when he faced his death. I like to think that if a gun was held to my head and I faced death if I didn't deny Jesus, that I would stand firm in my faith. But would I?? After all, even Peter denied Jesus 3 times. Is my faith strong enough to die for the one who died for me?? I pray that it is!! I pray that I would be willing to lose my life on earth to gain it in Heaven. I pray that I would never deny Him!

Peter challenges me to share Jesus with the world. Why would I deny someone the cure to death? Why wouldn't I tell you? If I had the cure to cancer would I keep it to myself? NO. So why would I keep this to myself? Cancer may take our earthly bodies but our souls were created to live on with our Heavenly Father if we choose to accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior. THAT is a truth worth shouting from the rooftops!!!

God did not intend for things to be the way they are. He created us for himself and we weren't meant to live with cancer, heartache, divorce, sexual immorality, deceit, anger, sickness, mental illness, etc... But the Devil sought to destroy this perfect world God had created. He is the ultimate deceiver and deception is exactly the tactic he used with Adam & Eve. When Adam & Eve disobeyed God and ate from the forbidden tree our world was changed drastically and the flood gates of sin and the consequences of them opened up. They could no longer walk with God in the garden as they had before. He is too holy and righteous to be in the presence of sinful beings like us. We were separated from Him. THAT is the bad news! But my friends, God made a way for us and it is an amazing truth of rescue and redemption!

Jesus was born into this world as God in the flesh. Lived among the sinfulness of the humanly flesh that is in us and yet lived a perfect life free of any sin. He was the perfect, unblemished sacrifice!  He taught love and service. He taught that to be first we must be last. He came to bring us inner peace and to offer fulfillment of our souls. He came to bridge the gap between us and the creator of the world, our Heavenly Father, God. His life was given up to be the ultimate sacrifice. All of Heaven looked away as He hung on the cross with all our filthy sins laid upon Him. He died the death we all deserve but because of a love that we simply cannot understand, He willingly gave His life up. He took our place. "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." (John15:13)

The beauty of all this is that all we have to do is accept this gift of atonement. When we do, God looks upon us and sees the righteousness of Jesus instead of our sin.  Jesus becomes our high priest, our intercessor. His death forever removed the barrier that separated us from God's holy presence. Praise God for setting out on a rescue mission so that we may be adopted sons and daughters and enjoy an inheritance that we were born undeserving of.  Can you imagine eternal life in a heavenly home where we will no longer experience heartache, pain, and suffering? That is the inheritance that He wants to freely give to us!

If you died today do you know what would happen to you? Are you sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that you have placed saving faith in Jesus Christ? Have you truly allowed the Holy Spirit to take up residence in your heart and dictate your path and govern your life?

Jesus said in John 14:6, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the father except through me." Will you accept Jesus as the bridge to God the father? If you deny Him, He will deny you before God.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30
 
WILL YOU COME TO HIM AND FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS??

GOD IS IN THE WAIT

So, its been a while since I posted an update on our adoption status. Well the reason why is because not much has been happening. We halted everything for a few weeks while we waited on a response from Ethiopia and to get an update as to how much the wait times were effected.

So here is the bad news first.... Bethany Christian Services (our adoption agency) has yet to give an update to estimated wait times to get a referral. For those of you that are not familiar with that term, a referral is when they send you information on a particular "adoptable" child in your range of specifications and you pretty much say yay or nay to adopting them. The last update we got from Bethany was 31-33 months before we would receive a referral. For the past 2 or 3 months all they would say was that they were expecting that wait time to lengthen but could not determine by how long. There has been very very little movement going on in Ethiopia. Very few children are getting matched to families each month.

Now I am NOT saying anything at all bad about our adoption agency. I actually highly recommend them. They really are great and have the best interest of these children in mind. They literally have no control over the whole situation in Ethiopia and they are not giving estimated wait times because they just haven't been able to get a really good idea at this time.

So, the whole wait time issue has never sat well with me even from the beginning. It just saddened me to think we would wait that long while children are dying and being orphaned at alarming rates in Ethiopia as well as other countries. I have been so upset I have cried, so mad I can't stand it, and so confused I laid awake at night pondering the whole situation. For months we prayed every single day, several times a day and you know what?? God was pretty silent (or so I thought).

One day we had even decided just to switch to domestic adoption and I was going to call our counselor with Bethany the next morning and tell her. Loud and clear that night during our study group at church God said "WAIT." Over that next week all I heard was "wait" and "adoption." Honestly, it confused me and frustrated me. I kept thinking, "Okay God, I know I know. We are adopting and why are you saying wait?"

Well, when we first applied to adopt internationally through Bethany we were given countries that we were pre-approved for (this was back in June or July of 2013). Each country has their own set of rules and standards based on income, length of marriage, children in the home presently, etc. Based on what we were approved for really the only country that seemed feasible was Ethiopia. We couldn't leave the country for 6 weeks so that canceled out Uganda and South Africa and we weren't comfortable with moderate to severe special needs so that pretty much canceled out the rest (of the countries Bethany has partnerships with). Several countries basically only offer their moderate to severe special needs children to international adoption.

With that being said, we truly felt God wanted us to go Ethiopia and I honestly believe He did momentarily. He gave us a heart for Ethiopia and I am excited to see what He does with that one day (maybe our next will come from there?). But for now He has clearly opened another door for us.

We have officially changed course and have chosen to go with the China mild/correctable special needs program. Now let me just tell you how God has worked this out.... When we first applied to adopt with Bethany we didn't even qualify for China because David didn't make enough money to meet their requirements. We turned in our home study paperwork in November 2013 & on December 1st, 2013 David started a new job making more money (just the exact right amount to qualify us for China). Also, when we began this process we weren't open to any kind of "special need." God has really done some major stuff in our lives over the last several months to open our eyes to the children that few seem to want because they aren't "perfect." 

Side note here.... Can I just give some of you encouragement if you are in a period of waiting and you feel God is a little silent? He is in the waiting and He has the most perfect reason for it and He wants you to draw nearer to Him during this time and change and mold you. We have had several delays and He controlled those as well. We mailed our home study paperwork to Bethany in November. It should have been done by late January to early February. David's job change delayed that because we had to redo some paperwork and get his new company to send an employment verification letter in to Bethany. He had to work on getting someone to do that in Memphis with his company and it took months. Ugh.... I was beyond annoyed and frustrated. Now I am thankful for it!! Then some officials in Ethiopia announced that they really wanted to stop international adoption all together and if not stop it then change many of the laws and essentially make it more difficult and lengthen the wait times. We waited for about 6 weeks just to hear an announcement from Ethiopia about a decision. They finally announced they didn't intend to close international adoption but didn't make clear what would be changed. Oh and our adoption counselor went on maternity leave in the middle of all of this.

So, because we were tired of waiting, without clear direction from God, we told our stand-in adoption counselor that we would go ahead and proceed with Ethiopia and that we wanted our home study done as soon as possible. Well, almost 3 weeks went by and we heard nothing from her. Poor thing she knew nothing about us and I'm sure our file was just thrown in her lap.  In those 3 weeks though  God showed us China and the mild/correctable special needs program. We (well mainly David) had never thought about it prior to this but we actually qualified for it now. Our current estimated wait times for a referral is 1-6 months for a boy and 6-18 months for a girl. Since we have not specified gender.... I'm thinking a BOY! But that's in God's hands and we know that He already knows who are child is.

So what this means for us now is that we are going to have to raise about $25,000 more much quicker than before! Would you consider supporting us financially? If you can't or don't feel led, please pray that God will provide the funds and unite us with our little one.

You can donate by going to our fundraiser website:  www.youcaring.com/wallaceadoption

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

WOW!!

Can I just say I am utterly amazed at God right now?! My last blog post, my testimony, was viewed by OVER 1,250 people! I am not a big blogger. I may post a blog once a month (if that) and its usually just if there is something really on my heart to share. So 1,250 views on one post is pretty major for me and FAR exceeds any other post by a land slide. I translate that into over 1,250 that heard the gospel spelled out in the form of a life that was transformed by the blood of Jesus! Last night I was telling my husband, David how amazed I was at the number of people who had read it and he said so simply, "That's what happens when God's involved." That is absolutely right! I am not bragging on myself.... but God! He took my story, that to me is ugly and shameful, and used it for His good.

Not only have over 1,250 (and still climbing) read my story but several people (many strangers until now) have reached out to me and sent me private messages to thank me because they needed to hear it or knew someone else who needed to hear it.  I just LOVE how God works and to think I have been fighting God for several months about sharing it so publicly. I even got a devotional one day several months back that was titled, "Share Your Story." God was persistent and patient with me and I finally said 'yes' and quit running from what I knew He wanted me to do.

The purpose of this post is for the parents of young women who are walking in a season of life similar to what I was in. While I don't know (yet) what its like to parent a teenage girl (Lord help me when my time comes), I do know what its like to be that teenage girl and from that point of view I would like to give you parents a little insight and encouragement.

First of all, in my blog I mention searching for someone to love me and give me purpose. My search wasn't because my parents didn't love me enough. I was raised in an amazing home. I never saw my parents argue and to date they have been married over 40 years. They gave me anything and everything they could and I cherish them and what they sacrificed to raise me and provide for me. But parents.... that isn't enough! You can love your child with everything in you but the fact of the matter is we all have a need for love that no one other than Jesus himself can fulfill. We were created so that only God can truly satisfy our souls and quench our thirst with living water. We were made for Him and your children and my children were His first! I honestly think my parents had to just let go and let God! 

I don't mean to discourage you in saying that you can't love them enough but I don't want to deceive you into thinking if you just love them and do everything perfect they will not stray. Did my parents do everything perfect? Probably not.... they aren't Jesus. But they couldn't change the fact that I was born a sinner and was going to be tempted by the Devil. I truly believe that God had a testimony that He needed to let me live out (we all have one) and He knew back before all the mess I got myself into that one day I would share my story and He would use it for His glory.

Secondly, the very last people I listened to was my parents (of course they were right all along). No stubborn teenager or rebellious young adult wants to do what their parents want them to. Sorry.... its just a fact and I was no different. The one thing I do wish and maybe could have impacted me is if I had a young woman (older and wiser than me obviously) to sort of mentor me and pour into my life. I really think quit possibly I may have listened if it had come from someone like that. Just an idea and maybe your daughter wouldn't even listen then but I really believe it would have helped me.

Lastly, don't be afraid to not be your daughter's best friend. There were things my mom said no to and I gave her the fight of her life. There were several very rough years between my mom and I. I was very stubborn and determined to do what I wanted to do. But, she was my mom and her job was to give me guidance against all odds. Can I give you some major encouragement in this area? Yes.... my mom and I fought, yelled at each other, and I believe I even told her I hated her at one time (sorry Mom). BUT now we are so close and she is literally my best friend! Coming from a former rebellious teenage girl.... she doesn't hate you and one day she will look back and be grateful for what you did for her. I adore my mother and love her fiercely and I regret what I put her through. 

So whats the answer to make sure your teenage daughter doesn't take the path I did? Honestly, I don't know! I know that's not very encouraging. But I don't think my parents could have kept me from the path I chose. I had to make my own mistakes and learn from them and by the grace of God I survived it and now have a testimony to tell that hopefully will reach young girls.

As a parent myself to an almost 6 year old boy and a 2 1/2 year old little girl I can tell you I already feel the pressure for my kids to look and act perfect. As parents, especially us moms, we place our worth on how well our kids behave or if they say the right things and act the right way. As a home school mom its especially tough when it comes to how smart my kids are and what they are learning. Society makes us feel like we have to be a pin on pinterest or "look" like the perfect family. I try to never judge when I see a family with a wayward child because that does not define how good or not the parents parented them. Maybe the parents are making major mistakes and maybe not. It's not always the parents fault their children choose a defiant path. It wasn't my parents fault. They had me in church and I even made the true love waits commitment, to stay pure until marriage, publicly in front of church and wore a gold ring that had 'True Love Waits' inscribed on the inside of it. Yet I fell prey to the devil and his temptations.

Thank you to each and every one who read and shared my story. I pray that every eye that sees it will see Jesus for who he is and the transforming power of the Holy Spirit.

Also, can I just encourage you to share your story? I know we have all done stuff that we are ashamed of but someone right now may very well be struggling with something you struggled with and could benefit from what you went through and how far God has brought you. At the end of the day its not about us and our fleshly feelings of being ashamed but about Jesus and what he did for us on that cross. My story points to Jesus! What has Jesus done for you? I want to hear your stories! Email them to me, blog about it, post it, share it, write it down..... I promise you someone is needing to hear it right now.

"For 'everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.' But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them? And how will anyone go and tell them without being sent? This is why the Scriptures say, 'How beautiful are the feet of the messengers who bring good news!"  Hebrews 10:13-15

TRANSFORMED

I was raised in church from the time I was born and have heard the gospel more times than I can count. I voluntarily went to the front of the church during the altar call when I was about 7 years old and prayed the sinners prayer. I was baptized the next summer and over the following several years we were in church every time the doors were open. I joined the youth group when I got old enough, committed myself to daily quiet times, carried my Bible to school, prayed at the flagpole before class every morning, and shared my faith at the lunch table in middle school. It seemed like I was on the right path and growing in my relationship with the Lord. But was I or just doing what I was being spoon fed to do?

When I was in the 8th grade I remember thinking this christian thing was too hard. I was made fun of and was definitely not going to be one of the cool kids when I carried my Bible around everywhere I went. I gave up on God and began being defiant to my parents. I wasn't even really sure I believed God existed but I would have never admitted that with fear that if God was real I sure didn't want to risk going to hell.

I spent the next several years confused and searching. Searching for someone or something to make me feel whole and complete. I lost my virginity at 14. I thought he was the one I would marry one day and I didn't see any reason to wait. I thought my boyfriend was the key to my happiness. That's a lot of pressure to put on a broken human just like myself. My relationship with him lasted 3 years and when it ended I gave myself intimately to the next 3 guys I dated. I thought the only way they could love me and give me the joy I was searching for was to have a sexual relationship with them. Boy, was I wrong!

When I got out of high school I got into the party scene. Going to clubs, drinking about 4 nights out of the week, and doing drugs. I was still searching to fill a void. I got attention from guys easily and I used that to my full advantage and soaked up every bit of it thinking that would give me the purpose in this life I sought. I enjoyed the attention but at the end of the day I still wasn't fulfilled.

When I was 19, my relationship with David began. I was always very transparent with people especially guys that I wanted to date. So one night on the phone I told him of my past and the others that I had intimately been with. David told me that he was a virgin and I instantly felt unworthy. I can't even adequately describe the mixture of emotions I felt..... sadness, guilt, shame, embarrassment. I gave David an easy way out and told him that he didn't have to continue on with me because he deserved a girl who could offer him what I couldn't. His next statement to me literally changed my life. He said, "I don't care what you have done." It was as if God had spoken those words to me and in an instant my hard heart began to melt.

David and I were married the next year and I won't lie.... we didn't save our first time together for our marriage night. I thought my past had already ruined me and I knew he would be my husband one day so what was the point? The devil deceived me big time. I would give anything to go back and rewrite that part of my past. I was a stumbling block for David. He really wanted to wait for marriage but I convinced him it made no difference. LADIES....IT DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE! If you hear anything from me hear this..... some of my biggest regrets and shame stem from my sexual past. Trust me on this.... IT IS NOT WORTH IT. Keep that part of yourself sacred and if anything do it for your future husband. I have caused mine a lot of pain because I didn't wait for him and I didn't view his virginity as a sacred gift to be cherished and worth waiting for until our wedding night.

Over the next almost 9 years of our marriage we church hoped. Prayed when we needed something and read our Bibles seldom at best. I never really understood the Bible all that well so it wasn't something I enjoyed picking up and reading. I don't really think I even viewed the Bible as God's words and stories that really happened and had application for my life today. They just seemed like child's stories I learned as a kid.

In August of 2012 we decided we needed to get on the right track and get involved in a church. I really wanted to raise my kids in church if anything to try to avoid rebellion against us when they got older. My motives didn't exactly include a life change on my part. I never imagined the transformation God had in store for me.

We went to Tri-Cities Baptist Church and instantly knew it was where God wanted us. Slowly God began to open my eyes to His truth and change me from the inside out. I was reading a book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan and in one of the chapters he writes about fake Christians and if there is really such thing as a lukewarm christian. Something came over me that night and my whole body began to tremble. I got down on my knees in my living room while the rest of the house was sleeping and cried out to God. I was so afraid that just maybe I wasn't really saved at all. If anything I just wanted to make for certain and to give my life to God more completely than I ever had before. I begged God for a clear understanding of His word and to give me a desire and passion to study my Bible like never before.

My passion for Jesus Christ and my desire to read my Bible has grown by leaps and bounds. It was a literal over night transformation. All of a sudden the Bible came alive to me and for once I began to get a clear picture of what God was trying to say to me. I started to see it not as just a history book with stories of the past but as a guide to all of life's ups and downs. My prayer life grew and slowly I began to be able to discern God's guiding and promptings. For once I saw Jesus as my best friend and not just this pretty awesome guy that lived a long time ago and I saw myself as lovable, forgivable, wanted, and significant.

Some say that miracles don't happen and God doesn't exist but I am telling you it is nothing short of a miracle the way my life and heart has changed. I see people so differently than I ever have before. We are all created with significant purpose. We were each made in the image of God..... the creator of the world. My heart is slowly being changed to see people the way Jesus does. To love people the way Jesus did and has called us to. We are so quick to see people for their sin and not their purpose and potential if they allowed the Holy Spirit to take control over their lives.

So, when was I truly "saved"..... at 7 years old or that night in my living room 1 1/2 years ago? Honestly, I don't know exactly. All I know is that I no longer doubt it and I finally moved out of the way and allowed the Holy Spirit to truly take hold of my heart and life and be my guide. I knew Jesus died on the cross to save me from my sins. But my heart never understood it the way it does now. Jesus was God himself... in the flesh. The unblemished sacrifice that was necessary to pay for all our sins so that we no longer have to be separated from God. The mere thought of that brings me to tears.

Today in church we sang the song posted below. It really sums up my story.

I don't write all this because I am proud of my past. It is actually quite the opposite. Its not fun to air your dirty laundry for everyone to see but I have felt God prompting me to get my story out there. Someone needs to hear it. The most important tool we have as christians to use in sharing our faith is our own personal stories. Whose life could your testimony transform?

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."  2 Corinthians 5:17

WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?

In late 2005, after being married for 2 years, David and I were pleasantly surprised to find out we were expecting our first child. I say surprised because I had myself pegged as the one that would have to try for months or years to be able to conceive. I am not really sure why I thought that..... maybe it was just a fear. So after only 2 months of not actively preventing it.....boom there it was! A positive pregnancy test! I remember David beaming with happiness and me....well.... I was scared to death. But I quickly got over the shock that hey.... I was actually pretty fertile after all and was excited to have my dream of motherhood coming true!

I was due on August 17th, 2006 but at our appointment at 9 weeks in January 2006,  we went into the ultrasound room excited to see our baby bouncing around in my belly only to find out that it didn't have a heart beat. We were shocked, devastated, and disappointed. For the next year and a half we waited. Waited for God to say when we would begin our journey as parents. Waited until God worked out our finances to bring me home from work so I could raise our children full time. It was a horrible wait filled with many tears and questions. God allowed me to quit my job in March of 2007 and ironically on August 16th, 2007 (1 day shy of being exactly a year that our first baby was due) we found out we were expecting Austin!

That same shock, devastation, and disappointment is ever present in our lives right now. It feels as if we have suffered another loss. There are some high up officials in Ethiopia that are trying to put an end to international adoption. They want to promote inter-country adoption to a much greater degree. Which would be great in a perfect world but we are talking about one of the poorest countries in the world. People are dying over there of starvation and preventable diseases at alarming rates. They cannot place the almost 5 million orphans even with international adoption open. If this law is put into effect, it will be devastating for the orphans over there and devastating for the hundreds of families that are financially and emotionally invested in adopting a child from there. They may not close the country to international adoption but there will most likely be some laws changed to make it much more difficult.

So is this a door that God is closing or is this the Devil trying to discourage us? For us to change course right now would be heartbreaking. Our hearts are attached to Ethiopia. I feel like my family is there....like they are apart of me.... like they are my people! Maybe God wanted to create a place in our hearts for Ethiopia for other reasons and this is how he has chosen to do that or maybe he wants us to move forward and trust that he will take care of the rest. Right now we really have no idea how God wants us to proceed. We are waiting...... waiting for his response..... waiting for his guidance.

 In the end we just want to do what God wants us to do. We know that He has a child picked for us and we just want to be on the path that He wants us on that will ultimately lead us to that child. Will you join us in prayer? Pray for Ethiopia and for God to move mountains on behalf of those orphans. Pray that he will burden the hearts of the officials and those making the decisions to do what is ultimately in the best interest of the orphans. Pray for us and the other families in limbo as we wait to hear what is going to happen. Pray for advocates in Ethiopia and around the world to speak up on behalf of orphans and vulnerable children. Pray for international adoption to remain open. More than I want you to pray for us and our decision..... I am asking and begging you to pray for the orphans that desire and deserve to be apart of a family.

"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Hebrews 11:1 NLT