My Dearest Samuel,
Tomorrow morning we leave for China to come get you and bring you home. We have waited and dreamed of this day for so long. It doesn't seem real that the time has finally come.
My emotions are all over the place. I'm excited to finally meet you and hold you in my arms. I'm scared because we are strangers to you and I'm worried you may not like us very much at first. I'm sad for you as you say goodbye to all you've known and leave it behind. My heart is torn as I leave your brother and sister behind for a time. But I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful because you will never live another day without an earthly father and mother and probably for the first time you will hear the name Jesus. I'm hopeful that one day you will come to know the Lord as your savior as I do.
One day you may wonder why and possibly morn the fact that your birth parents chose to not parent you. But I want you to know and always remember that you are loved, you were chosen, you are special, you are cherished, and you are right where you were always meant to be. I may not have carried you in my tummy but I have carried you in my heart for years. One day when God allows you to understand you will see how adoption represents the gospel and how we were all orphans and sought after. I have already been praying for your salvation and I won't stop until God calls you to Himself.
I promise to always love you. I promise to put you before myself. I promise to always pray for you. I promise to make you feel safe and cherished. I promise to cuddle you and wipe away your tears. I promise to always be there for you. Most importantly.... I promise to tell you all about Jesus and how you were carefully made and your path in life was known before you were born.
So as we begin our journey tomorrow half way around the world to you, I will continue to pray for your heart and for your nannies at the orphanage that you will say goodbye to. I will be praying that eventually you love us and see us as your parents. I can't wait for the day that you call me Mama and tell me that you love me. But I understand that may take time and I promise to be patient. I will see you very soon my son! Until then my heart will continue to yearn for you!
I love you,
Your Mama
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
When Fear Surrounds Me
Mother's Day was a little bitter sweet for me this year. I wanted to cry at the thought of Samuel being on the other side of the world away from me. I dream about him a lot. Sometimes I remember very vividly what my dreams entail and sometimes I just know it was about him. I wake up often in the middle of the night and wonder what he is doing. I cannot wait to get to him but not looking forward to leaving Austin & Alexa. It's a strange feeling..... Like being torn in two places. But soon we will all be together!!
We are currently waiting on our I800 approval and then we have another form to fill out. Within the next couple of weeks we will be paying for Samuel's visa to enter the U.S. Each step draws us closer and closer to him. Our hope is that we will leave late July. I may spend my 32nd birthday in China this year.
As of right now we have a little under $7,000 left to raise. We have raised over $30,000 to date. When God called us to this journey we didn't even have $500 in savings. We just got done draining our savings to buy a car with cash so we didn't have any payments and were working on trying to build it back up (I know Dave Ramsey would have had a stroke). We couldn't even afford another child on David's income. But we stepped out because we felt like God wanted us to and He opened the door wide. He provided a better paying job for David within months of us starting the process and He brought all the money in from many different sources all along the way and at just the right time. GOD IS FAITHFUL!!!
But this last chunk of money has brought me great anxiety and fear if I'm honest. More so than all the rest. I know fear is from the devil but I let my flesh take over and the worry begins. I think it's because I see Samuel's face and watch his video and I'm afraid! I'm afraid I won't get to him. I'm afraid if this money doesn't come in he will remain an orphan until it does. Just like the Israelites, I so quickly forget ALL that God has already done and think He can't handle what's ahead. GOD IS FAITHFUL!!! When those fears surface that is my chant!
Since starting this process we have heard from so many people that they would love to adopt or have considered it. But the saddest part to me is that so so many of them didn't do it because of the cost of adoption. It is daunting and can I be really honest and say... Raising it hasn't been easy! At times it's been like a full time job. Not everything we have tried has worked that great, we've been discouraged, and exhausted. But like motherhood, the good outweighs the bad!! We have seen strangers step up and give us money, we have had a few large donations, we have been blessed by the prayers of so many, we have had people give us stuff to sell, people who we never expected to even be able to help us has. We have personally witnessed an army step up and care for the orphan. We are so humbled to be on the receiving end of so many people's generosity.
Because of what I've learned and because of my passion to care for the orphan I have a challenge and an offer. One of you reading this has thought about adoption or would like to adopt. Do you feel a tugging at your heart?? Don't ignore it.... Explore that feeling. Take it to God and ask Him if it's from Him. Prayerfully consider it! If God keeps laying it on your heart don't worry about the money and step out in faith and here is my offer to you..... I will help you raise the money! I will walk this process with you and I will invest my time in your journey so that another orphan can find their forever family. Please send me a message if you want more information about adoption. I would love to help you!
Over the last few weeks when my faith seems to get weak this song has played.... In the car or at the gym on my headphones. Just a reminder that He is faithful & if He is calling you to it He will provide.
We are currently waiting on our I800 approval and then we have another form to fill out. Within the next couple of weeks we will be paying for Samuel's visa to enter the U.S. Each step draws us closer and closer to him. Our hope is that we will leave late July. I may spend my 32nd birthday in China this year.
As of right now we have a little under $7,000 left to raise. We have raised over $30,000 to date. When God called us to this journey we didn't even have $500 in savings. We just got done draining our savings to buy a car with cash so we didn't have any payments and were working on trying to build it back up (I know Dave Ramsey would have had a stroke). We couldn't even afford another child on David's income. But we stepped out because we felt like God wanted us to and He opened the door wide. He provided a better paying job for David within months of us starting the process and He brought all the money in from many different sources all along the way and at just the right time. GOD IS FAITHFUL!!!
But this last chunk of money has brought me great anxiety and fear if I'm honest. More so than all the rest. I know fear is from the devil but I let my flesh take over and the worry begins. I think it's because I see Samuel's face and watch his video and I'm afraid! I'm afraid I won't get to him. I'm afraid if this money doesn't come in he will remain an orphan until it does. Just like the Israelites, I so quickly forget ALL that God has already done and think He can't handle what's ahead. GOD IS FAITHFUL!!! When those fears surface that is my chant!
Since starting this process we have heard from so many people that they would love to adopt or have considered it. But the saddest part to me is that so so many of them didn't do it because of the cost of adoption. It is daunting and can I be really honest and say... Raising it hasn't been easy! At times it's been like a full time job. Not everything we have tried has worked that great, we've been discouraged, and exhausted. But like motherhood, the good outweighs the bad!! We have seen strangers step up and give us money, we have had a few large donations, we have been blessed by the prayers of so many, we have had people give us stuff to sell, people who we never expected to even be able to help us has. We have personally witnessed an army step up and care for the orphan. We are so humbled to be on the receiving end of so many people's generosity.
Because of what I've learned and because of my passion to care for the orphan I have a challenge and an offer. One of you reading this has thought about adoption or would like to adopt. Do you feel a tugging at your heart?? Don't ignore it.... Explore that feeling. Take it to God and ask Him if it's from Him. Prayerfully consider it! If God keeps laying it on your heart don't worry about the money and step out in faith and here is my offer to you..... I will help you raise the money! I will walk this process with you and I will invest my time in your journey so that another orphan can find their forever family. Please send me a message if you want more information about adoption. I would love to help you!
Over the last few weeks when my faith seems to get weak this song has played.... In the car or at the gym on my headphones. Just a reminder that He is faithful & if He is calling you to it He will provide.
"May He equip you with all you need for doing His will. May He produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, every good thing that is pleasing to him. All glory to Him forever and ever! Amen."
Hebrews 13:21
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